15 Apr ’25

"And remember: kindness is crunchy"

Inbox #67: 31 new messages

From: Sysadmin
Subj: A friendlier world

Comic Sans Maps

Google Maps is a bit boring, so we made our own proper mapping site with a 3D globe, geolocation and shareable URLs. And it’s all in Comic Sans.

Experience the glory!

- Sysadmin

From: Baron of Barrowboys
Subj: Re: what have I found

Sysadmin note: this is the hardware Vmail runs on, kindly donated by Sir Alan Sugar

That's Lord Sugar to you Sonny-Jim! You're fired!

Sysadmin note: you can't fire us, we quit

From: RED
Subj: Hey, can you just change this subject to RED and make the font color RED if possible please

RED

From: Ava
Subj: Re: the end

??? wrote:

"the end is near and yet so far on 2025 it shall strike on may 15th 2:54 am BE THERE at 1:00"

Does anyone else remember this? Who's gonna be there?

Be where? I don't wanna miss it.

From: fluffymitten
Subj: Re: the end

This rings a bell. But where is THERE?

It's quite an awkward time of day. I'm usually in bed by 10pm, can it be rescheduled?

From: Sid :)
Subj: Re: the end

Hey, can we reschedule, my birthday is on the 23 and I want to be able to do that.

From: iTs Me MaRiO
Subj: Re: what do you all think of my tower?

To the guy who sent that (Vole.wtf Enjoyer) and everybody else Mines better:

So, does anyone wanna compete for the best tower? Cuz I'm on the top rn.

From: uncivil engineer
Subj: Re: what do you all think of my tower?

analysis

all started going wrong here, left one end of mattress unsupported, idiot
what the f--- were you thinking settling for that slope and not finding a way to stabilize via cone or putting pig further right
utter sh--! you gave up

From: :) :) :) :) :)
Subj: Re: video game annoucment

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) wrote:

I 3d modeled this monkey, and I will try to develop an open-world game with the monkey as the player.

would appreciate any feedback or ideas for the game.

please add a button that makes the monkey's arms spin
thank you and i hope you become rockstar 2

From: Cheestic
Subj: Re: video game annoucment

Can he eat an bananana in game;?

From: :) :) :) :) :)
Subj: Re: petris

a pile of rats

animal physics game enthusiast wrote:

Tetris, but pets. The animal physics game saga must continue. I mean, we can basically do the Watermelon Game ...

it's not really a game, but algodoo lets you do all sorts of fun physics thingies, like this tower of rats that i made. you can do cooler stuff but it doesnt show well as one picture. try it!

From: mothraa
Subj: Re: corn

silly wrote:

corn is my fav food

biting into a pomegranate gives a similar mouth feel, so i use pomegranates in winter when corn on the cob isn't available.

From: Simo
Subj: Cookie

The underside of a cookie.

This is the underside of a cookie.
Very important information, would be a loss to miss it out.

From: Matt Round
Subj: The Best Film You’ve Never Seen

Barry Norman on Film 77

I haven’t quite run out of steam yet, but here’s a round-up of the 25 movies covered so far with links to the Vmail archive:

From: Yellowjackets :)
Subj: I would like to rant on Yellowjackets (Spoilers, obviously)

The poster for the show Yellowjackets

Y'all have you heard of Yellowjackets? Oh my goodness it is one of the best shows I have ever watched. It is about this soccer team who in the 90s their plane crashes on the way to nationals, it flips from back in the woods to present day throughout the episodes (like during each individual episode it'll be partly the past and partly the present). It deals with the repercussions of their actions in the wilderness and their trauma and how some choose to deal with it. After every episode I'm always just like, "Holy crap!" It's wild. There is a lot of gore and cannibalism in it so if you're triggered by that don't watch it I would have said uncomfortable but if you're not uncomfortable with cannibalism I would be worried for you. Each episode is about an hour long and there is ten episodes in a season, it is on the third season right now but it is almost done with it and from what I could gather it will have five seasons total. I just love it, queer cannibalism shows and movies are right up my alley, like Ravenous! Anyway I just felt like saying this to someone because everyone who I know who watches it is up to date with the releases and I'm just about to finish season 3.

From: Chesius the almighty
Subj: Re: The cheese court

Alex of Parmesan wrote:

Dear Cheese Lord Kendra and King Cheesus,

I am a new email subscriber, and I would be grateful if I would be allowed to join the almighty Cheese Court as the Cheese Court Artist. See attached some of my best work.

Dear Alex of Parmesan, Your request will be thoroughly thought over by the court. P.S: Its leaning towards yes

From: Cheese Lord Kendra
Subj: Re: The cheese court

Dearest Alex of Parmesan,

Your work is like no other, and is very pleasant on my eyes. As for your proposal, I would like to indulge this request. Your work could be beneficial for keeping peace between other kingdoms, as art brings others together.

Sincerely, Cheese Lord Kendra

From: Chesius the almighty
Subj: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: marriage

Cheese Lord Kendra wrote:

Bonjour Chesius the Almighty, I am quite concerned that you are attempting to break up my marriage; this is futile. Please give up, you homewrecker.

Dear Cheese Lord Kendra,

From: Cheese queen Kendra?
Subj: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: marriage

Cheese Lord Kendra wrote:

Bonjour Chesius the Almighty, I am quite concerned that you are attempting to break up my marriage; this is futile. Please give up, you homewrecker.

so have you agreed to our cheesy marriage as I am led to believe that you are speaking of us

Sysadmin note: we have no idea who any of these people are or what's going on

From: THE bread maker of the universe!1!
Subj: To the bread kingdom and its subjects

The tidy wrappings of our finest bread!

Hopefully this newsletter reaches the queen and king of swissland. I, THE bread maker of the universe, has adopted your kingdom in a program where if they prove their loyalty to the cheese and breads, they get a lifetime supply, permanently. If whoever in your kingdom wants to sign up or just give their utter support, please contact me and I will send you a Google form to make sure you are worthy of all the electronically incrypted breads your heart desires! It will be mailed in beautiful state-of-the-art orange boxes! Until we meet again, your highnesses.

From: wrong-game-i-believe
Subj: Re: Less play YuGiOh with custom cards

Charizard YuGiOh Card

I play Charizard! Wait.. somethings not right here...

From: CynMD
Subj: Monthly art newsletter :)

Idk what to name her :( her color scheme is red btw

I am posting art here bcuz I love art :) every month if sysadmin decides to kindly post this :) if you want more, you can visit my webtoon to see my lil art adventures :) bai friends :)

From: Cucumber man's janitor.
Subj: He Is coming.

Photo of Cucumber man on 13:21,1989.

NOTICE TO THE WORLD
From the Desk of Janitor Eli
Former Custodian to the Cucumber Man

To Whom It May Concern (and to those who have forgotten),

I, Eli J. Pickering, long-time janitor of the Grand Old Library and humble witness to events beyond your wildest belief, write to inform you of an impending return. Not of royalty, nor of war — but of justice. Of hydration. Of crunch.

Cucumber Man is coming back.

You may laugh. You may roll your eyes and return to your screens, your deadlines, your chaos. But know this: the signs are already here.
Fresh cucumbers appearing where none were planted.
Salt shakers turning up empty.
Dreams of green capes and the scent of vinegar.

He was never gone. Merely waiting. Preserved, if you will. And now, as the world wilts under the weight of unkindness and cruelty, the one who once brought peace with produce shall rise once more.

Prepare yourselves. Stock your fridges.
Hide your pickles — or offer them in peace.
And remember: kindness is crunchy.

Respectfully,
Janitor Eli
Last of the Custodians
Believer of the Brine
Sweeper of Secrets
April 8, 2025

“He’s not a myth. He’s a final hope.”

From: fran
Subj: snail

oxychilus draparnaudi

do you guys like my snail his name is goober he's very little

From: anonymous
Subj: I GOT A PUPP EHHH

BOOM! You just got puppied.

Hee hee thats him his name is percy XD

From: mothraa
Subj: Re: caT

stella

Dingo wrote:

this is my cat boris, say hi :-)

hi!

very nice cat.
very nice cat nose.

this is a cat i used to have years ago, named stella. she lost an eye in an accident. she was my familiar.

From: Slippy The Bird
Subj: Greetings!

Slippy The Bird

Hey Everybody! Slippy The Bird Here! Messaging you from my little cozy cage. Just checking in, wanna make sure everything is okay. How have you been holding up? I hope you've been doing well.

But for now i gotta go, Best of wishes, From Slippy The Bird

From: ShadowTiger2345
Subj: German Comforting

Here are some comforting phrases to say in German! (Don't say them loud though, people might be concerned)
Danke: (dan-kuh): Thank you
Bitte: Please (or you're welcome)
Gern geschehen: You're welcome (informal)
Entschuldigen Sie bitte: (formal) or "Entschuldige bitte" (informal): Excuse me, please
Es tut mir leid: I'm sorry
Guten Tag: Good day
Auf Wiedersehen: Goodbye (formal)
Tschüss: Goodbye (informal)
Du bist süß: You are sweet
Du bist sehr sympathisch: You are very nice
Du schaffst es: You can do it
Mach weiter so: Keep up the good work
Ich bin so stolz auf dich: I'm so proud of you
Bleib stark: Stay strong
Du bist die Nummer eins: You're number one

From: banana man
Subj: art styles

three of my many characters

try to put my dudes in YOUR STYLE! and I will give a 1-10 rating!

From: Neil Verba
Subj: happy over-priced eggs day

golden eggs

yum yum eggs

From: dramor
Subj: world takeover

I need ideas for world domination

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