01 May ’24

"waddling around the house to the tune of Ice Ice Baby"

Inbox #55: 31 new messages

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From: Sysadmin
Subj: 3D corvid simulator

As The Crow Flies

Our arcc project includes a 3D Flappy Bird-ish mini-game that we’ve now made available for everyone to play.

As The Crow Flies features cool vector graphics, and if you score 25+ you can get a whopping 50% off an arcc ticket so you can see all the other games/apps/videos/etc.

- Vmail Sysadmin


From: McFartypants
Subj: Knowledge

Cold toilet seats and warm toilet seats are both uncomfortable. There is no in-between.


From: Oracle
Subj: Re: look at my cat!!!1

Mama Mia here we go again

A really cool guy wrote:

Wow, isn't he cute!

Cool now look at mine!


From: Hoochalobster
Subj: Look at my cat!

cat in a waste paper basket

This is Esteban. Esteban is not cute. He did a poo on the bedroom carpet. He put himself in the bin voluntarily, so clearly he knew it was wrong.


From: My Name(optional)
Subj: puss-in-your-inbox


Hi! Here's my cat.


From: Friend
Subj: what is real

i see cheese everywhere i go i am starting to question if im insane or if its real i even get professional help from cheese i buy from the grocery store yet that doesnt help its gotten so bad
that my fridge only has cheese in it my bed is made of cheese the sky is made of cheese why why why i dont get it maybe its a sign to allow the cheese to consume me or maybe its a warning i dont know anymore


From: anonymous
Subj: Cheese is overrated

Cheese especially one that stretches is so overrated, I do not know how it doesn't trigger a gag reflex for most people, queit strange ain't it? :s


From: cheesy second in command
Subj: Re: Gratings

Cheesus wrote:

Gratings, my fellow Cheese Enthusiasts. I have been observing you for a long time now. But today I finally decided to ...

Hello from your self proclaimed second in command, cheese lord. The brie, camembert and gruyère are some cheeses whose names I memorised for my french test, and hence they are my favourites. I am humbled to talk to your cheesy lordship.


From: Matt Round
Subj: The Best Film You’ve Never Seen

Last Night (1998)

No. 15: Last Night (1998)

What would you do if the world was going to end at midnight?

That’s the unexplained looming threat faced by a group of people in Toronto, reacting in different ways ranging from hedonism to family dinners.

The phrase “’90s Canadian indie film” really does sum up most aspects, from the look, to the casting, to the dialogue, to the general melancholy-yet-witty tone. There’s no grand apocalyptic spectacle here, it’s people talking and some messy streets.

David Cronenberg gets a great role as someone who decides to turn up to work, and you’ll recognise most of the faces with varying degrees of “oh it’s that person from that thing!”.

The humans-facing-the-end-in-their-own-ways genre has taken off in recent years across wildly different levels of spectacle/budget; this one isn’t and wasn’t groundbreaking, but was interesting at the time and with hindsight feels like it was on the cusp of a trend.

It’s a film that’ll leave you pondering that opening question. What’s your answer…?

Last Night doesn’t seem to be available for legal streaming but there’s at least one low-res copy on YouTube

Next time: 9691 :ecapS


From: peetamellarkswife
Subj: Re: Re: Re: Hey girlypops

Extraordinary Ethan wrote:

OMG!!!! I would love to join as well! This group is SOOOO Girlypop!<3 So, how's the girlies doing?

i'd love to be a girly!!! hey girlies!! i'm drinking tea and watching chick flicks this moment girlypops!


From: anonymous
Subj: Re: Re: Re: Hey girlypops

Good girly! I love that you chose this cult! That’s so slay of you.


From: Britney Bestie
Subj: Re: Praise Be The Hyphen

The Hyphen Cult wrote:

Join the hyphen cult and praise the hyphen the hyphen is superior to all and the hyphen is the only pure thing in this ...

This is not so sparkle slay. As the official representative of the Girlypop cult, I think that there can only be one cult in the Vmail society. The girlies will be slaying (you) forever. just you wait <3

love and kisses and threats,
Britney Bestie of the Girlypops


From: Britney Bestie
Subj: Re: vmail cult

shady dude wrote:

this place of vmail'iens is too boring, so i'm starting a cult for anyone who wants to join. i'm unsure what will come of it or what well do, but it now exists.

As i sparkle slayedly said to the hyphen cult, this vult will never be as girlypop as the girlypop cult. The girlypops WILL be slaying (all other 'attempts' of cults)



From: Captain Crackerjack
Subj: Re: monarchy is underrated

space monkey mafia wrote:

...i would like to recommend this form of government for the newly founded Vmail Government. Thank You. space monkey mafia

Bagsy me for King


From: Pedro (pronounced: Pay-droh)
Subj: Rise of the Brazilian Vmailers!

Flag of the Federative Republic of Brazil on a flagpole, flying in the wind with a blue sky

Any brazilians present in the Vmail fando- I mean, community! Let's form a union! We will be the BRUNOs-Vmail (Brazilian Union Of Vmail) and together prove that Brazil is certainly everywhere on the Internet. I will be the temporal leader until we find a better one (not Bolsonaro) through eletronic voting.

P.S.: By virtue of the latest Inbox, we are in no way a cult or a revolution. This is just an excuse to identify each other and talk around. With all due respect. Also, sorry for any english issues.

(Photo by Samuel Costa Melo on Unsplash)


From: Æ
Subj: quick question y'all

does anyone else out there wanna run away from everyone and everything and cut all of your relationships and just start a new life as a hermit and maybe even try to rebuild society as we know it because it has all become a little too much ?

Sysadmin note: only after going through all the Vmail submissions


From: Warren P.O Tato
Subj: sanwich door

Sandwich on door

Holy moley guys I found a crisp sandwich attached to my bathroom door?! Any ideas
on how it got there???


From: Void
Subj: New Hair Removal Cream

Hello Sir/Ma'am,
I have contacted you to remind you to buy our new formula of our Hair Removal cream.

Void 's Bare and Hair


From: Thurzin
Subj: Dogs are intriguing..


It's funny that we treat them like baby humans most of the times. I mean, when you see a dog.. you instantly want to pat it (unless it's a Pitbull or something like that)

I'm 100% sure that if I had a son, my dog would receive better things. But is not all the dogs that are cute. I remember a day I was coming back from school, when a dog started barking at me and bite my pants. Like, so random. Have a blessing day guys.


From: space monkey mafia
Subj: Re: General Advice.

Vex wrote:

Hey! I'm a new user to the Vole.wtf website, btw I love it! I'm currently a senior in high school, as I'm doing good ...

..., I could really use some advice with managing all of this. Or even just life advice in general, please. Sincerely, Vex

High school is a rough time for the best of us. My advice for not going crazy is simply to not put too much weight on it.
Do more of what makes you feel good, creating a consistent workout routine by joining a class or something helped me a lot! it gives you that feeling of mental toughness and doing something good for yourself as well as finding a whole new network of friends.
Don't try to do it all! it can be really tempting to try to be a prodigy at everything you do in high school, but it ends up wearing on you. Pick what you REALLY care about/ want to succeed at and put more time and energy into those things. Remember your time to be young is limited, so enjoy it!
Good luck and good wishes,



From: Spicy Noodles
Subj: Re: General Advice.

It's okay when sh#t happens. Try temporary give right to manage discord channel to you friend, it'll make things easier a lot (telling u as a mod of one discord channel)

Unfortunately, I was quite chaotic during my school days, so I can't give you a proper advice about time-management. The only thing I can say is that chaotic-management didn't stop me from having full scholarship twice. I suggest you to concentrate more on A)Subjects which are crucial for u future job/degree B)subject where you have most gaps OR subject which can get u more score on the exam (I'm from country when we can choose final's exam subjects, just to note it, maybe in ur country all school subject is mandatory)

I also sorry to hear news about your grandfather. Are there someone you can share your thoughts with? Or maybe there is an opportunity to sit and have a good cry? Or maybe it would be better to recall all amazing memories you have with him? Try to do this, something might help. For example, For me the most helpful was the third one.

Wishing you all the luck, Spicy Noodles.


From: Spooky
Subj: Craig Tucker

Cut my life into pieces

My name is Craig Tucker. Last week was my birthday. My grandma gave me a check for a 100 dollars. I was sooo happy. But then 4 kids from school came to my house. And said I should use my 100 dollars to invest in becoming…a Peruvian flute band. They promised I would double my money in one afternoon. But the government arrested us. Along with all the other Peruvian flute bands. We begged to go home but instead the government told us they were sending us to Peru. So that is why I am now in Peru. If I die let it be known that it is because 4 guys I don’t even like from school lied to mead took my birthday money. :(


From: goober
Subj: used number five birthday candle for sale

a google search bar displaying used number five birthday candle for sale

as a joke, i decided to search for a used number five birthday candle for sale on google and go to shopping.

found some good ones but none of them were used.


From: Jonno
Subj: Cool 3D display thingy

This is already a not-so-new video before I've even sent it, and some of you will probably have already seen it, but I still think it's really cool: a working, glasses-free 3D display that you could actually make (although it's not a kit so skill and detail is very much required). Have a look here

Mitxela is awsome, man


From: .

handsome guy

rate this guy 1-10


From: Net02gb
Subj: Awesome Mobile Games You Can Play In 2024!

So while some people can play PC games like Team Fortress 2, other people only have access to mobile devices, and that can be a bit annoying because sometimes it seems like most of the cool games are on PC.
The Vmail I write will talk about some games that can be played on your cell phone, for those who don't have a PC, or for those nostalgic people who miss playing good games on their cell phone. Hope you like it! In this edition I will talk about two basic titles to start with.

Super Toss The Turtle was released on December 22, 2016. The objective is as the name suggests: throw the turtle as far as possible.
The longer the distance and the better the tricks you do on the way, the more money you will earn. It contains almost no ads or microtransactions. The more money, the more weapons, cannons and things can be unlocked. Very simple, but good to pass the time! There are also several characters you can unlock, so let's move on to that as a second objective.
It is compatible with Play Games, so you won't lose progress if you connect an account to the game, and you can earn achievements!

The second can also be connected with Google Play Games, Dan The Man (Released October 4, 2016).
Based on a series of animations with the same name, play the eighth stage of the adventure, choose between Dan, Josie, Barry (paid in the normal game) and the Customizable. Improve them to beat enemies more easily, and thus reach the end of the story.
The game contains ads at each checkpoint, but there are trapped TVs that will reward you well if you want to watch one. There are some game modes, these being:
Story: Face the eighth stage that inspired the game;
Survival: Fight waves and waves of enemies, which get stronger and stronger the further you go;
Adventure: Try to overcome special challenges for all characters.
If you are tired of the ads, there is the Dan The Man Classic version where it removes all ads and micro transactions from the game. But I warn you: the Classic version will not give you achievements in Play Games!

I think that's it. This is the first Vmail I've written, so maybe I'll do more. To the next!


From: Azra noa/Maxcat
Subj: Sup it's me again!

Smol Kitty

Hi!İt's me Maxcat!!!How are you doin Vole.wtf?I just played maxwellcat.world great website man I got to 7845 points I'm from Turkey!Some new art man!!

  .    _  .     _____________  
   |\_|/__/|    /             \  
  / / \/ \  \  /  Sup Vole.wtf \  
 /__|O||O|__ \ \   How are u?  /  
|/_ \_/\_/ _\ | \  ___________/  
| | (____) | ||  |/  
\/\___/\__/  // _/  
(_/         ||  
 |          ||\  
  \        //_/  
  __|| __||  

Hello dude!


From: Jimmy

Hey there!

Hope this email finds you swimmingly well! I seem to have gotten myself into a bit of a waddle with my penguins, and I’m in desperate need of your help.
I thought having a few penguins around the house would be all fun and games. Boy, was I wrong! They’ve started a synchronized swimming routine in my bathtub, which would be impressive if it didn’t result in soggy towels every morning. Then there’s the fish situation – they’ve developed a taste for sushi and are raiding my fridge like it’s an all-you-can-eat buffet!

But wait, it gets better. They’ve also discovered my CD collection and now insist on waddling around the house to the tune of “Ice Ice Baby” on repeat. I swear, if I hear that song one more time, I might just join them in the Antarctic!

So, dear friend, if you have any advice on how to rein in this penguin pandemonium, I’m all ears.

Best fishes,


From: soapy
Subj: crime


don't do crime


From: Mystic Mech
Subj: premonition

2025 is gong to be the most boring year in history, all the news channels will close and everyone will sit shrugging while eating pizza


From: ???
Subj: the end

the end is near and yet so far on 2025 it shall strike on may 15th 2:54 am BE THERE at 1:00



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