Inbox #51: 22 new messages
Subj: New year, same old nonsense
There was no December inbox as we were rushing to launch arcc so that ticket-holders could spend Christmas Day playing a 3D version of Flappy Bird or watching Alphabet Vault (pictured above) instead of interacting with their families like normal human beings.
If you vaguely recall giving us money in the past year, check your email in case there's a ticket lurking in there that you've forgotten about, or you can still buy one (but it's no longer cheap; always pays to get in early with our stuff).
As for Vmail, well, we want your contributions for this ridiculous slice of 'slowcial media' (sorry), get to it...
- Vmail Sysadmin
From: Britney Bestie
Subj: Hey girlypops
Hey Girlypops (that's you <3) , Britney the *slay queen* bestie boo here. I was wondering <3. Would like anyone like to like, join my cult? :)
You'd just need to say *slay* or queen (or other similar :) words) as much as you can <3. Worship the eternal lords of *girlypop*. Also attach the <3 girlypop badge <3 and footer to all your posts. x
Love you babes xx
-Britney Bestie Boo Girly Pop
--p.s sysadmin you should join <3
Sysadmin note: Sorry, we had to replace emoji and mangled 50%+ of the content, you'll have to imagine lots of sparkly hearts, stars and kisses throughout
Subj: Re: DEAR VMAIL
My fiance won't use towels to dry after showering he crouches in front of an old fan heater in the lounge to get dry
He says it's efficient but I don't want to see that while eating my rice crispies am i right to reconsider the wedding??
Yes. Absolutely. No doubt whatsoever
Subj: Re: DEAR VMAIL
you should reconsider
Subj: Missed Opportunity
Why didn’t they use these letters to spell “begin”?!
Sysadmin note: yes but that'd leave a B behind, very untidy
Subj: Re: tenpo pi toki pona
have you ever wondered what the tiniest language is? well the answer seems it's toki pona with only 120 words* and a ...
toki a! jan ante li sona e toki pona lon lipu ni la mi pilin pona. mi sona ale pi toki pona kin a
Sysadmin note: we can't be bothered to work out if this is filth
Subj: heello everyone
today im gonna sing nyan cat but with typing
ok here we go
PUDOO DA DAH DEE DUH PANANANANA DUH DUH DEH DUH PINANNANANA
NYA NYA NYA NYAYAYA NYA NYA, NYA NYA NYAYAYA NYA NYA NYAYAYAYA NYA NYA NYA NAYYAYAYA NYA NYAA NYA NYA NYA NYA NYAYAYAYYA NYA NYA NYA NYA NYA NYAYAYAA NYA NYA NYA NYA-NYA-NYA-NYA NYAYAYAYAAYA NYA NYA NYAYAYAYAYAYA NYA NYA NYAYAYAYAY NYA NYA NYA NYA NYAYA NYA NYAYA NYAYAYAYAYA NYA NYA NYNYA NYAYAYAYAYA NYA NYU NYUH NYA NYAYAYAYA NYA NYA NAYYAAYAYYAA NYA NUH NYEH NYA NYAYAYAYAYA NYA NYA NYAYAYAYAYAYYAYA NYA NYA NUNAYYAYA NYA-NYA-NYA-NYA NYA NYA NYAYAYA NYAYAYAYAYAYA NYA NYA
thats my renidition
hope u enjoy
i just drew it too
Subj: Can't we just talk about the Fun Boy Three?
I don't think people talk about them enough. According to the office of statistics I just made up, only 2 in 5 people have heard of the Fun Boy Three and of those only 40% can name a song by them that isn't "The Lunatics Are Taking Over The Asylum". This is obviously a matter of great concern for society at large and for me (a Fun Boy Three appreciator) in particular.
From: Matt Round
Subj: The Best Film You’ve Never Seen
A mysterious man arrives at an ad agency, takes control and then begins to climb the political ladder in the most devious, ruthless ways possible.
Like a lot of satire (and late-‘60s/early-‘70s films in general), this has aged well and aged badly, the latter being most obvious in how women are featured.
But the stuff that’s aged well is, in places, almost jaw-droppingly relevant to modern times, such as when a racist speech is encouraged to make the Conservatives’ opposition to immigration look more reasonable in comparison. And the fiendish use of referendums towards the end will still make many in the UK wince.
The film flopped and Peter Cook’s acting was panned, but his character is so ‘alien’ I think he gets away with it, and overall it’s more interesting than most satire or comedy from that era.
So don’t go in expecting a cinematic classic, but do brace yourself for a reminder of how some things never change.
The Rise and Rise of Michael Rimmer seems to be impossible to watch legally unless you settle for a DVD from eBay, so don’t feel guilty about looking it up on the YouTubes
Next time: it’s time for another portmanteau horror film
From: A random frog
Subj: Re: Re: cube
A person wrote:
That’s a good cube
What do you think of mine
That is a very nice cube, however since I am a frog I will be sitting on it
Subj: Re: cube
If anyone gets tired of drawing cubes, I have a web page that draws them for you: jimkang.com/slopcube
Fair warning, the cubes are all kind of "off", but you have to understand: it's trying its best.
From: that one conspiracy theorist
Subj: THE REAL TRUTHS
My good friends I have deemed it time to share the real truths of this world that we live in.
There is no such thing as a kangaroo, it is just a mouse standing REALLY NEAR TO YOU.
Talking of mice:
Batteries get their power from tiny pedalling mice inside of them.
If you call the number of the house you used to live in, you can talk to the past version of yourself.
Beware of guitars, a small hairy creature called a 'Warris' lives inside them, and they live off a diet of human fingers.
If you stare at the back of your wardrobe long enough, you'll get to Narnia.
So long truth seekers!
(live laugh love)
Subj: Re: German Gurke
I saw the picture of the banana with the inscription "orange" on Biro+Banana=Art, I was horrified, because in Germany ...
...german word for cucumber. In order to prevent irritations in Germany Sysadmin note: that’s clearly marker pen not biro
Yes, dear sysop, that was due to the hectic pace, I had to act before another banana crisis overtakes us in Germany. But I hope I was able to correct my stupid mistake with this yellow Gurke (cucumber), sorry banana.
I (?F) tried to walk to the end of a path, but apparently "That which is in locomotion must arrive at the half-way stage before it arrives at the goal." and now I can't move because motion is an illusion. Help me?
Subj: school work
Does anybody else hate learning about radicals? like I don't care about it I just have to do it
Subj: Re: "N-n-uh"
Golum's mum wrote:
I can't say 'fairer than that'. What can't you say?
bro I cant say rural for the life of me
Subj: Re: send help! (please)
short celery stick wrote:
recently my legs were bitten off by some random people, so I am now short, can someone out there possibly call the celery ambulance? I think I'm dying. -(short) celery stick
Don't worry! Help is on the way.
They are a bit busy, but they will still arrive.
silly lil background I made, do what you whatever you want with it
Subj: Jokes helpline
SEND ME A JOKE AND ILL RATE IT OUT OF 10 AND THEN I WILL EXCHANGE IT WITH ANOTHER JOKE
Subj: Re: Re: my cat
this is French Fry
Hi - this is Monty. He has his own Instagram that we keep forgetting to post to: instagram.com/monty_withnail
Subj: Re: Re: my cat
this is Nibblet. She will nibble your french fries
i wanna eat a fried egg