03 Aug ’23

"they have kazoos"

Inbox #46: 13 new messages

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From: Sysadmin @VOLEwtf
Subj: Ba-na-na-na-na-n-na-naaa, ba-na-n-na-naa, hey, Jude

This is ART

Banana skin is, undoubtedly, the most satisfying surface to draw on with a ballpoint pen. If you’re not nodding in agreement, you’ve clearly never tried it.

We’ve set up a gallery highlighting this important art form:
Biro + Banana = Art

Anyone can create a fruit-based masterpiece, take a photo and upload it, so get doodling!

- Vmail Sysadmin


From: cowjam
Subj: Tanks!

When I was a teenager in the late 90s my mates believed that there were a load of abandoned Russian tanks in the Black Forest, and you could just go and take one if you wanted.

Anyone else hear this? Any truth to it?


From: anonymous
Subj: review of my music class


10/10 they have kazoos


From: anonymous
Subj: Joke

Why does 0=1? cos 0=1


From: Your local human being
Subj: I'm bored tell me a joke either dark or normal

I'll start:
What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?...
... a porcupine!!


From: anonymous
Subj: Re: we have such spines to show you

pob wrote:

every time i pass this cactus i wonder if i stuck my face in i'd come out looking like pinhead

do it


From: Alison
Subj: Re: we have such spines to show you


My cat must have jumped on a cactus- he came home one day looking like this and has never been the same


From: anonymous
Subj: Re: The Best Film You’ve Never Seen

Matt Round wrote:

No. 5: Seconds (1966) This really shouldn’t be an obscure cult film. John Frankenheimer is a famous director who’d ...

Rock Hudson didn't die he had plastic surgery to look like an old banker and lives in the suburbs


From: Matt Round
Subj: The Best Film You’ve Never Seen

Evolution (2015)

No. 6: Evolution (2015)

This isn’t the 2001 sci-fi comedy of the same title starring David Duchovny, or a Dragonball film, or part of the Underworld series, or the 2021 Hungarian drama.

It’s the French sci-fi horror film about a young boy living by the sea who thinks he’s seen a dead body in the water. Gradually it becomes clear that this is a somewhat creepy coastal community; no arcades or ice cream vans, but they do have a nightmarish hospital and weird rituals on the beach.

You won’t see a more beautiful horror film, from the volcanic rocks and white houses to that dingy hospital, whether bathed in sunshine or a murky greenish light. There’s a plain minimalism to the clothing and decor, but we’re clearly somewhere near the present day in a world somewhere near ours.

As usual, I don’t want to spoil the surprises and bewilderment. This is very much a film that doesn’t spoon-feed, you have to go with it, pick up whatever clues you can and accept the unknowns it leaves you with. At its core, it’s about unsettling adults projecting a sense of normality onto children experiencing the bizarre and horrific.

On Rotten Tomatoes its audience score is a ludicrous 44%, possibly the lowest I’ve spotted for a film I really like. In the words of Super Hans, “People like Coldplay and voted for the Nazis, you can’t trust people, Jeremy.”

Evolution (2015) is on Shudder and BFI Player, or can be rented from Amazon or AppleTV, it’s not hard to find.

Next time: is there anybody there..?


From: Fatih
Subj: chess

let's play chess 1.e4

lichess account:elfyus4


From: Uhm
Subj: Re: it's been almost a month since the last vmail

StrangeRTY7 wrote:

I don't know what I was thinking Leaving my vmail behind Now I suffer the curse and now I am blind With all this anger, ...

Omg I love u for this is must have taken so long


From: Pizza Lover
Subj: Cost-cutting Hater


This cost 95p, how bad do you think it'll be??


From: Feathers
Subj: I wonder

A fluffy white dog

It’s been a sh-t week. A couple of sh-t weeks actually. So please send me your best comfort food recipes? I’m going to comfort cook when I get them. Thanks. In the meantime I will hug my dog.



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