18 Jul ’25

"a plorp has been spotted"

Inbox #70: 20 new messages

From: Sysadmin
Subj: Ready for prime time

Primesweeper

Our new game is basically the classic Minesweeper... but with prime numbers! You don’t need to be a maths nerd to do well at it, though, honest guv (every grid contains 5 'easy' numbers to get you started).

Click those digits

- Sysadmin

From: Sid:)
Subj: IM BACK

I HAVE RETURNED. yay. I SAD MISSED FUN EMAL NEED MORE EMIL NOW. GIB ME MERE EMWLE NEW. GEMP ME EML NOW. NEED IT.

Sysadmin note: HRE IS MERE EMWLE HAPYP NEW?

From: anonymous
Subj: Thank you for the vmail

I like that it arrived.

Sysadmin note: we appreciate your low standards

From: Sri Arni
Subj: I’m going back to Indonesia

I’m going back to indonesia tomorrow, i hope you can take care of your dad.

From: MJ Hibbett
Subj: Data and Doctor Doom

Where? What? How? Whom?

Hello everyone!

A while ago I decided to adapt my PhD thesis - which uses Doctor Doom as a case study for a new(ish) way to analyse transmedia characters - into a one-man musical. My thinking was that it took me about five years to write the thesis and only about four people actually read it, while the book I spent another year turning it into sold...um... not much more, so this seemed like a good way to tell people what I'd done.

Anyway, the resulting show is called 'Data and Doctor Doom' and I'm taking it out on tour in London, Watford, Buxton, Bedford and London again over the next few weeks. It'd be lovely if some people could come and see it - you can find dates at mjhibbett.co.uk/doom/ and there's a preview of one of the songs on YouTube.

Hope you like it!

From: Alex of parmesan
Subj: Re: Re: Re: Re: The cheese court

Chesius the almighty wrote:

Hell. no.
I am the almighty. Cheese lord kendra agreed to take my proposal and now you snot boggler comes in and basically has an affair with my fiance. Wow...I don't know what to say. Shall we elect a judge to discuss our cases and choose who wins?

Ignoring your rude allegations, I agree. We must elect a judge immediately. Anyone interested reply to me.
(Also [censored] off please, I'm not having an affair with your wife. [censored]hat)

Alex of parmesan

From: Ciro Basualdo
Subj: Re: Re: Re: Re: The cheese court

Nobody wins but Lets pause it FOREVER. Because this makes no sense

From: JFRU!
Subj: Music?

John Frusciante, Chad Smith, Anthony Kiedis and Flea

What is your favourite music artist?

Mine is the Red Hot Chili Peppers!

Sysadmin note: surely the most contentious thing that's ever been included in Vmail

From: Matt Round
Subj: The Best Film You’ve Never Seen

Burton in The Medusa Touch

No. 28: The Medusa Touch (1978)

This one’s more obscure than I’d assumed, with only 8,000 ratings and 100 reviews on IMDB. If you’ve seen it, chances are you’re an older person who randomly caught it on TV decades ago, and it was probably scarier that way..?

A novelist is found barely alive, and as his life’s pieced together by a French detective on an exchange scheme (real explanation: the film’s a French co-production), flashbacks reveal his terrible powers.

Richard Burton looks suitably haunted and intense in his limited screen time, which is exactly what the film needs to keep it anchored in horror. It has elements in common with The Omen, The Fury, Carrie, etc, with a bit less polish.

Roger Ebert chose it as his worst film of 1978, smirking as he heaped ridicule on a memorable, pivotal scene and Burton’s performance. But some of the most entertaining horror flirts with being silly or cheesy, so don’t take this film — or yourself as a movie buff — too seriously.

You can find The Medusa Touch on Pluto/Plex/Shout/Amazon in the US, or rent from Apple in the UK (Amazon UK’s rental is poor quality)

From: Anonymous introvert
Subj: The fox that lives in my garden

For a few weeks I’ve seen a group of foxes wondering around where I live. During the night I hear rustling in my garden but I was never bothered to get until recently when there was a big mess in my garden.At first I thought a stay cat might have set up in my house for the night but suddenly a fox came running out from some random little cave they made.After closer inspection it was obviously made for more than on fox which would have explained all the mysterious disappearances of some gardening tools which were found in some strange places

From: Corey
Subj: Inside/Outside

Image of a glazed donut

I guess, when you really think about it, your whole digestive system is really on the outside of your body.

From: Person mcperson
Subj: Worded trailer for a puzzle thing

Hello! i am person. I will make a puzzle game for you to play in this very mail! if you want you can suggest ideas, it shall be called: "puzzle thing" and hopefully i can make it as often as this thing comes out. the solution to the puzzles will be in the beginning of the next one, and im exited to see how it works! cheers,

-person

From: eno
Subj: eggs benedict

eggs benedict

Please tell me the best eggs benedict recipe!

From: The Inventor
Subj: Invention Logs #1

Greetings fellow inventors!

This is the start of a variety of ideas innovated by me, The Inventor. This logs invention is quite “handy” if I do say myself. Tired of your two boring and dull feet? Introducing the Hand Slippers(TM)!

These simple shoes can help make your life easier in a snap and are just like normal shoes(except shaped like abnormally large human feet). Just like your hands, these can grab, pull, and do anything your hands can do! Additionally, when damaged, the Hand Slippers excrete blood and puss when damaged to let you know when to repair them with Handaids(TM).

With these shoes, you can live just like your primate ancestors for a low price of 59.99 and if you call this number: 1800-###-####, you’ll get free Feet Mittens(TM) in addition to your purchase of Hand Slippers(TM). See ya next time on Invention Logs and remember to always keep inventing, investing, and innovating!

The Inventor

From: anonymous
Subj: LUKA ALNST LIVES

luka very cute from alien stage

Hello everyone how are you doing. this is my very gorgeous king Luka from the series Alien Stage by VIVINOS on youtube (watch it its great.)

Quick summary of what the series is about: Alien Stage, a reality audition program, has taken the alien world by storm, and its upcoming season is planned to be just as exciting. Contestants must sing for their survival, as the loser faces on-the-spot termination. As the competition heats up, a mysterious girl emerges, whose involvement may hold the key to humanity's fate..

so long story short in the next episode's teaser (releasing the 27th) said girl is holding a gun pointed at someone. now luka is currently the only participant left alive (aside from Mizi, the girl holding the gun).

anyhow this guy is probably dying next round so if you could answer this message with a heartfelt "LUKA LIVES" it'd be great for a potential future petition-campaign thing to bring him back. pls hes really cute i'd be sad if he died. :( Thank you

From: Andrea
Subj: Thinking and working

Recently I resigned from my first job. I only lasted 3 weeks. And honestly I am relived.
I think there is something wrong with our society and the way we perceive works. Why do I have to give 9 hours of my life to those who don’t care about me? Why do I have to endure humiliation and abuse from my boss with the fear of being fired?
I am 18, and from Mexico, so things are different here than from other places. I do wonder how are working conditions somewhere else…

From: big
Subj: i plorp

breaking news a plorp has been spotted at 65.57684.3223!

From: Brennan
Subj: Very Tall Styscraper

A 21.37m Styscraper Tower

I might not have beaten Matt Round’s score yet, but I’m getting closer. If anyone could show me 22m, I’d be amazed.

From: capybarrels
Subj: Attendeth now, o noble soul! This be of utmost import—readeth with care and swiftness!

Lo, I was embarkéd toward yon Great Emporium to procure mine selfe some victual’d tidbits, when—by thunder’s grace!—a most stripe’d beast, what don a hat of curious craft, did cry aloud, ‘Ye bananeth be not consum’d upon the Tuesday!’ I didst declare, ‘Wherefore this bellowing, thou bandéd steed? I seek but crisp’d chippeas and the merry elixir of bubbled sweetness!’ Yet anon, he flipp’d like a jesting fool and did flee unto the upside-downmost, plunging into a pool of moon-soaked beanz. Thusly, I did repose upon the ceiling-tiles and did munch upon mine own lace of shoe, which tasted verily of sky-forgéd spaghetti. Fair morrow to thee, noble sirrah, for mine mind remaineth most muddled, yet joyous still within the crannied halls of mine noggin.”

Inbox #70

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