06 Mar ’25
"man wearing owl mask seen sitting in trees"
Inbox #65
Inbox #65: 28 new messages
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From: Sysadmin
Subj: Boared? Try our hamazing new game
Our new porcine physics game has been described as “fun”, “ridiculously addictive”, “infuriating”, “the only distraction from horror right now”, “2025’s Wordle” and “clearly built by a sick and twisted individual”. We’ll settle for that.
- Sysadmin
From: me
Subj: oh wow
oh wow i just realised at the start of dog poo golf there is a screen that says 'nincom loading' instead of 'nintendo loading' because it is a poop game and if you put nincom and poop together it says nincompoop which is a actual word
Sysadmin note: this is actually a happy coincidence, Nincom has appeared in past non-poop-related projects and is likely to reappear in future
From: Apollo
Subj: Re: xmas tip
anonymous wrote:
if you leave out a christmas stocking with a pentagram on it you get presents from satan instead
Anon, I love you, but that is a pentacle, and that stocking was more than likely designed in the spirit of paganism rather than satanism. You’re more likely to receive plants and oils and mystical herbs in that stocking than anything. I could be wrong about this of course, that may just as well have been created by a satanist who unintentionally made a pentacle, but who really knows? Good yule and well wishes!
From: Chesius the almighty
Subj: Re: Re: Re: marriage
Cheese queen Kendra?? wrote:
i have taken into consideration about a name change and i would wish to become your wife and change my name to ´Cheese ...
Dear Cheesy Greatness, I noticed your proposal to (whom it may concern) and realised that I'm painfully single. Would you be willing to switch up your proposal to me instead. Grateful for you love
From: Cheese lord Kendra
Subj: Re: Re: Re: marriage
Cheese queen Kendra?? wrote:
i have taken into consideration about a name change and i would wish to become your wife and change my name to ´Cheese ...
Yes I would love to marry you
From: King Cheesus of Cheddaronia
Subj: A Spicy Offer
Gratings Cheese Lord Kendra and King Cheesus, I have noticed your alliance and we of Pepperjackonia are not pleased! This is a warning! break up the alliance or we shall set fire to the ancient T'on'gu of the Mouthe!
Heed my warning!
King Jala Pẽno
Dearest King Jala,
I was once again swissfully unaware of your presence. I must discuss with other members of the cheese council, but I would like to spice up (gouda one) our formal relations by inviting you to take a place on the cheese council, as our Chief of Spice. Furthermore, I make no demand but merely request you maintain good relations and remain cordial with our fellow cheese rulers. Remember that what we fight for is not ourselves, but the faith that the cheese will provide. Cheddaronia will accept and welcome all of your men with open arms. Additionally if you decide to commence unto war, we will release the lactose intolerants to consume and improperly digest your kingdom.
For all that is Gouda,
King Cheesus of Cheddaronia
From: silly
Subj: corn
corn is my fav food
From: Goose_in_pants
Subj: Re: guys i love cheesecake
wiwi wrote:
its just so good everything from the flavor to the texture and just the way it presents itself, it really is just the perfect food...
it combines both cheese (s tier) and cake (also s tier) into the most heaven-blessed food ever to pass through my mouth.
From: Bread lover
Subj: Bread
Oh my gods love bread. I love everything about bread. I love loafs, toast, teleporting bread especially. I. Love. Bread. I think more people should appreciate bread!
From: The scholar of Daexriara
Subj: Crisp
I am a bit early, but this sandwich is made with rare, mustard-flavored crisps.
From: anonymous
Subj: OWL?
Visited nature reserve they handed out a map and circled area to warn us about a man wearing owl mask seen sitting in trees ?!!
?
From: Nawasaki.Kinja
Subj: Re: Re: My crush
Greedy politician again wrote:
Reply: what are his hobbies and what does he like? You should ask him one day but if he’s only nice in looks then he’s not right for you
Babe his name is William ofc he's not the right choice
From: Confused
Subj: Re: my favourite pokemon!
your mom wrote:
SHUPPET! shuppet is a ghost type pokemon who evolves into banette. Fun fact about shuppet: it feeds off of negative emotions that makes it stronger. basically it is a manipulator but it looks so silly! one day i will get a tattoo of this little guy :3
I feel like you’re going to regret that in like 20 or 30 years
From: Јелисавета
Subj: Best wishes
Dear readers and Vmailers, I wish you all the best in 2025 with hope that we will find social life outside our phones. May Charlisle encourage us all to achieve all that we set ourselves.
From: ducks
Subj: duck emojis are WRONG
All duck emojis, you all know the one, are WRONG. The duck they are trying to represent is for sure a mallard and they have tons of small details PERFECT. All male mallards have a black dot on the end of their beak. It is visible from almost all angles and is visible from the angle the duck emoji is at. The duck emoji is not a real duck. Do not fall for their LIES
From: Matt Round
Subj: The Best Film You’ve Never Seen
No. 24: Brainstorm (1983)
Scientists work out how to record and play back human experiences/emotions, leading to disturbing uses. Yes, that’s a bit like in Strange Days, but this is a very different film.
Legendary visual effects bloke Douglas Trumbull directs Christopher Walken, Natalie Wood and Louise Fletcher while giving all the engineering and brain playback a convincing yet unsettling feel. It’s serious sci-fi that tries to evoke the queasy vertigo of people discovering something a bit too groundbreaking.
Fletcher gets a long, harrowing solo scene that could’ve easily been unintentionally funny and shows how a great actor can work wonders. The ending goes for the cheesy option but what the hell, it has some interesting visuals.
Wood died during production and the film barely got completed, but it doesn’t particularly feel like something emerging from development hell, there’s a clear intact vision. Plug your brain into it and hit play.
Brainstorm can be rented or watched for free via various services depending on where you are
From: Audra
Subj: Sup
BOOM! You just got puppied.
From: Confused
Subj: Really confused
So many things in life are confusing rn. Like that dude who threw a bone at a wolf saying it didn’t work. Just like in Minecraft, you need to do it a few times for it to work.
Lamb bones work best. Wait why am I rambling about wolves. Who am I? Who is Sysadmin? WHY IS THERE A TRIANGLE CULT? So many questions, so little answers.
From: Average Vmail Subscriber
Subj: What is Going on?!
To begin with, the newspaper contains kingdoms and cults, and in the most recent issue, a marriage proposal was made, A MARRIAGE PROPOSAL!! Not to mention someone apparently tried to jump on their neighbor to imitate Mario. Seriously?! Although reading Vmail is enjoyable, it can be too strange at times.
From: Anonymous
Subj: What are you doing man?
no, seriously, what the hell are you doing with your life? why are you using this service?? You know you only live once right? like bruh go out touch some grass, Enjoy life.
From: Z
Subj: Hi
Hi people I just wanted to say hello and I'm wondering how you found this site. For American citizens how did you find this because I don't think it is? anyways goodbye!
From: The orange lime
Subj: optometrist
Need new eyes? Just t a k e somebody else’s! Call 870-notrealnumber-donotcall to get freeeee eye insurance .
I C A N A L R E A D Y F E E L I T W O R K I N G . !
side effects may include; loss of feet - loss of eyes - loss of wife - and/or unsolicited skeletons.
(do not ask for a lawyer they are untrustworthy and will take your eyes)
From: nenkaii
Subj: wheelie my beloved
Wheelie is a little rhyming bot from the old Transformers G1 (IM NOT TALKING ABOUT THE LIVE ACTION MOVIE WHEELIE, I HATE THAT THING AND NEED TO PUNT IT INTO THE SUN.) and nobody ever talks about him. So I'm here to introduce you to a character that most of the fandom either finds annoying or doesn't know exists. I hope that this is easy to follow along even if you don't know anything about Transformers.
Wheelie is first introduced in 1986, in The Transformers: The Movie. When a bunch of characters get tossed on a dangerous planet, Wheelie helps them reunite with each other and get back home and then doesn't really appear for the rest of the film. We don't ever find out why he was there, all we really know is that he was stuck on that planet for a loooong time. (Maybe the cartoons touch on this later, but I haven't got that far yet.)
When I saw him, absolutely TINY compared to the other bots around him, and heard his squeaky little voice I instantly fell in love with this lil weirdo. Such a cute design too, with the orange and peach colors and the transformed mode being a futuristic little car.
Wheelie gets a fun little reboot in the 2005 IDW comics, where his backstory involves being stranded on the planet LV117 after crash-landing on it during a mission. He gets his arm bitten off, and at some point makes an alien friend, Vartaa, who can only understand Wheelie if he speaks in rhyme due to a malfunction in their translator. Some other stuff happens but at the end of the day Wheelie spends so much time rhyming to communicate with Vartaa that it becomes second nature.
There's a lot to be explored character-wise here. As someone who studies psychology, I like to think Wheelie develops OCD, obsessing over survival and compulsively rhyming, even after Vartaa is gone and he has no reason to rhyme anymore. Also, the loneliness of being stranded for so long- they're robots with way longer lifespans. I'd feel terrible going just a year without company, but thousands???
That's it really. I like Wheelie a lot and I'm so sad when I go to artist alleys at conventions and remember that nobody really cares about him enough to make merch of him. Ah well, that just means I'll have to do it myself. If Wheelie piques your interest, take a look at his TF Wiki page, which is completely written in rhyme to match how he talks. In general I recommend watching the old cartoons, Hasbro has uploaded all of them to YouTube for zero whole dollars. Just watch the movie (also free on YouTube) before Season 3 because it carries on from there.
From: The lime orange (NOT the orange lime ;) )
Subj: Human nervous system
HELP HELP H E L P M E . IM LOST. A VERY LARGE DOG TiptOeD OVER TO ME AND TOLD ME TO F O L L O W HIM. I WAS STRUCK IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD WITH 20 MILLIGRAMS OF A WHITE POWDER. WHEN I CAME TO, I FOUND MYSELF SURROUNDED BY A NUMBER OF TRIANGLES WHO WERE MAKING IRKSOME UPROAR. AFTER ESCAPING OUT OF A FIRE E X I T THAT LED ME TO A LONG HALLWAY I WAS CHASED BY 16 ENTIRE HUMAN NERVOUS SYSTEMS. THE TIME IS 66:66. Adiuva me quiritare et effugere non possum. I AM OUTSIDE THE YELLOW GRILL HOUSE ON 5848 WINCHESTER ROAD. PLEASE H E L P H E L P M
Triangulus dapper regnabit
From: Toni
Subj: cat
cat
Sincerely
Toni
From: Bear
Subj: Leaellynasaura
Leaellynasaura (Leaellyn's Lizard) is a herbivorous ornithischian from the Cretaceous. It was first found feathery dinosaur in Australia and is very, very, cute. It's tail makes out at about 3 feet, and during its time, it may have lived under the arctic circle, meaning it ould go 3-6 months without sunlight.
From: Sharkaan
Subj: Mission
Today's mission, go and ask 30 supermarket employees and ask if they know about the true super market boss, if they say no, look at them worried, if they say yes, just nod and walk away.
From: kinkizDaAngryPotato
Subj: Mission
Mission:
Go to a friend , and say "I will go to the toilet "
and never go to the toilet.
Img not related.
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