09 Oct ’24
"From your dear mother Annbelle"
Inbox #62
Inbox #62: 33 new messages
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From: Sysadmin
Subj: Bread + Crisps =
Crisp Sandwich Day is coming back round again on 25th October!
Let us know how you’re planning to celebrate it, and we’ll happily help promote any cafés/pubs/shops taking part.
We analysed 4,400 pledges of support to find your top crisp flavours:
- Barbecue
- Sour Cream & Onion
- Ready Salted
- Salt & Vinegar
- Cheese
- Hot/Spicy
- Cheese & Onion
- Chicken
- Prawn Cocktail
- Pickle
Definitely a strong US influence there, but we won’t be changing it to Potato Chip Sandwich Day...
- Sysadmin
From: Crisp
Subj: Crisp Sandwich day
Sysadmin, are you guys doing anything special for crisp sandwich day and everyone else, what chip flavor goes best in a crisp sandwich(I like barbecue)
Sysadmin note: SEE ABOVE
From: Annbelle
Subj: full moon
Hello Helen!
How's life darling?
From your dear mother Annbelle
From: 17-Planes
Subj: Your Daily Dose Of SR17 Lockhead Blackbirds
Every Day YOU Deserve Some SR17 Lockhead Blackbird In your life, So We Will Give You The SR17 Lockhead Blackbird You DESERVE!
From: angry daybrix player
Subj: my streaking...
I lost my streak :(
Despite the problems i've had with this game about stacking bricks and then getting angry when i don't get the long piece, it is always fun doing the daily challenge... I FORGOT TO DO IT YESTERDAY!!!
HOW COULD I FORGET!!?? STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!!! PLEASE SOMEONE EXPLAIN TO ME HOW OR WHY I COULD'VE FORGOTTEN SUCH A VITEL PART OF MY DAILY PLANS!!!? I AM SO UPSET, I AM MORE THAN UPSET, AAAAAARRURUUGHHH
I love streaking, but today, my passion is lost... sorry i have disappointed you all... but not to fret! i will start anew soon, i think
Sysadmin note: don't let this happen to you, set multiple daily alarms to make sure you don't forget DayBrix
From: Cheese Lord Kendra
Subj: Re: Re: Cheese Lord Kendra
King Cheesus of Cheddaronia wrote:
Gratings, Cheese Lord Kendra I do apologize I had nor have no intention of intruding on your activities of any sort. I ...
... band to deliver you the golden cheese. A token of our friendship. For all that is Gouda, King Cheesus of Cheddaronia
Salutations, King Cheesus of Cheddaronia
I am very grateful for you apology. I too, was at fault, of having no knowledge of any other cheese kingdoms. I do, dearly apologize as well if I might have come off as brash or discourteous. As for your apology I do accept it humbly.
After reflecting your offer on combing the cheesiness of our kingdoms, I have come adjudication that it would be a bodacious idea. After more further discussion we can outline common rules and legislation together. As a symbol of our new found friendship, I'll have my loyal servants bring your the Great Statue of Gouda Cheese. I hope you'll accept my offer, and we can discuss this alliance in the near future.
For the love of cheese,
-Cheese Lord Kendra
From: you mom
Subj: anything
i need to take a poop on a cheese toilet and revolt against both cheese kingdoms to there terreny
From: movie recommender
Subj: RECOMMENDED MOVIES ; 1
I know there's some other guy in this god-for-saken mailing system that sends stuff about obscure movies, but here I am to recommend you guys three [or more if i feel like it] movies [hopefully] every vmail
(okay I just got a quick question... what does the v stand for? vampire? velociraptor? velocity? vor-... no, vole?)
MOVIE #1
A good classic for the first movie
BACK TO THE FUTURE
Amazing movie about a kid going back to the future to do some important future past stuff... wait no back to the past, or... honestly I haven't watched the movie yet but I've been meaning to
MOVIE #2
A very good, but obscure-ish, movie
THE ONE WHO FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST
Stars actors like Jack Nicholson, Danny DeVito, and Christopher Lloyd. I watched this one a while back with my friend and it was quite the masterpiece, Chief has got to be my favorite
MOVIE #3
Most recent watch
50 SHADES OF GREY
I will not be going in depth on this one.
OKAY! That's it for now, folks! Tune in next time for more movies, and stuff.
From: Matt Round
Subj: The Best Film You’ve Never Seen
No. 21: Vesper (2022)
Yes, a rather new film this time, and it’s not even in black and white.
A teenager struggles to survive and care for her father on a bleak post-eco-apocalypse Earth while secretly working on squishy biohacking experiments, then encounters someone from The Citadel where a privileged elite lives.
There’s a young-adult-sci-fi feel to much of the story, and clearly a limited budget, but the messed-up bioengineered environment is really well evoked. The father’s given an interesting dual presence (you’ll see what I mean), there are pleasingly strange touches like hooded Pilgrims mysteriously dragging away junk, and Eddie Marsan is suitably creepy.
This is exactly the kind of imaginative film where careful, creative use of technology stretches the budget a long way; even if you’re not gripped by the story or wowed by spectacle, you’ll certainly feel you’ve set foot in a dark, grimy future.
Vesper is available to rent/buy on the usual platforms
From: KnightOfNightshade
Subj: Looking for knights
ACT FAST!!
Hiring 10 knights to handle some troll thing (??) Keeps biting my ankles and won't stop. Full time baby sitter
From: Blyth
Subj: Gnome troop
Sorry i'm a bit late, guys. anyways, LONG LIVE THE GNOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEE EEEEE EEE EEE E
From: Skylander #1 fan
Subj: WHO I SIDE WITH
The Skylanders have decided to side with the gnomes. Yes, we have various knight based Skylanders, but it would be a lot funnier to side with the gnomes...
Also, Stealth Elf and all the Drows would be mad.
Squeaking of Stealth Elf, she is our next review.
Stealth is a life skylander, hit or miss element.
She is a ninja clad Elf with two toothlike daggers and the ability to go near fully invisible.
I rate her design as a 8/10, and note that I will be more lenient with Series One Skylanders, as they are the first to be made.
Her voice is an 8/10, being a constant whisper, very fitting, but also kinda cheesy.
Her gameplay is obviously stealthy, being fast with invisibility and various acrobatics, great if you like to attack without being attacked. Very unique gameplay, since few Skylanders are as stealthy. 8/10.
Figure falls apart VERY easily, mostly the arms, head, and hair, so she needs to be kept in a very safe area, otherwise, 8/10 figurine.
So in total, that is a 32/40 total!
Thats a good Lander, there.
If you have any suggestions, send them in.
From: The bread god
Subj: Bread
I, the bread god request bread in the ancient Latin language for mysterious purposes. Da mihi Panem!!!!!! That my friends means give me bread in Latin.
From: Triangle leader
Subj: Important message for all triangles
Triangles, the squares have attacked the eastside. I repeat, the squares have attacked the eastside. They are moving rapidly towards our main base. We are to defend against them. Rebuild. Be on the lookout for circles. I have received information that they plan to sneak an attack on the southside.
From: :)
Subj: To sysadmin
Praise sysadmin for this beloved newsletter by looking at this vole
From: Some random person...
Subj: any lore behind Vmail?
(IMAGE UNRELATED)
everytime a new message is sent in Vmail, there is always things that are kinda interesting... (for example, "Newspaper Hat #4931056" sent a message about something in 2023, which is about.... some councils or something) WHAT ARE THESE "COUNCILS" I DON'T UNDERSTAND, AND I AM NOT READING A LOT (maybe OG Vmail users will remember)
uhh anyway, what else do people do in Vmail besides saying random stuff?
From: Meow
Subj: Slay
I just realized that I've been a Vmail recipient for over a year. How in the moist mess have I been here for a year. So, Slay. I've seen Cults great and small, that weird thing awhile aback that was morse code,sysadmin have many mental breakdowns per newsletter, the 'Movies you've never seen' Saga, and many more odd things, and the weirdly large amount of pets. So, To Sysadmin and all the others who are here, thank you. I hope you all have a day filled with nonsense and tomfoolery, And I hope you can live many more years under the thumb of sysadmin.
MEOW- ╱|、
(˚ˎ 。7
|、˜〵
じしˍ,)ノFrom: Scribbley
Subj: A letter to the void
I'm probably one of the only people still writing to this I'm not sure if it's weird I've sent like 6 since the last one I find vole to be a very fascinating place and vmail is my particular favorite thing on the site. If vole had more fans like it deserves vmail would definitely have way more entries and submissions and such. Or maybe I'm wrong and they just don't have the time to make emails every week or something. No matter what it is I'm gonna keep writing even when this collapses like a supernova. I'm probably just talking to myself now :(
From: Javelin McSpere
Subj: vole from vole.wtf is outside my house
I can hear him. Knocking on the door, muttering 'thanks' under his breath. He's not going to leave until I open the door. What do I do?
Help me?,
Javelin McSpere
Sysadmin mutter: thanks
From: thethingyoubreathein
Subj: rate how cool this sign is
found this at the hotel im staying at
From: - (- cult leader)
Subj: We're back.
This is a message written from the - cult to say: We're back. I have never sent a message myself, but I felt today was a special occasion. I hope to make peace with all other cults, orders, and kingdoms here, and to reunite this community. If the Girlypop cult (if I remember it correctly, apologies if I didn't) still exists, we'd like you to become out first ally.
Always accepting new members.
- -
From: IamMoth
Subj: MOTHHHHHHHHHH
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
From: emily mccleary
Subj: my poem
i walked in
he was crying
i was crying
we crode
From: The bean master
Subj: Great grandmama beany has died
The order of the beans.
Today we experience great loss as our cult leader and chief sacrifice picker has joined our brethren in the heaven of beans
This is for great grandmama beans
In remembrance of Great Grandmama Bean, a force of nature whose blend of mischief and charisma left an indelible mark on all of us. She was not your typical matriarch; she was a masterful orchestrator of chaos, and we adored her for it.
With her wicked sense of humor and daring exploits, she challenged us to embrace our darker sides, teaching us that life was far too short for rules and conventions. Her gatherings were wild affairs, filled with laughter and a sense of rebellion that made every moment unforgettable.
Great Grandmama Bean reveled in bending the boundaries of propriety, encouraging us to question authority and love and hate beans. Under her influence, we learned to celebrate our flaws and own our mistakes. She showed us the beauty in chaos and the strength in embracing our true selves, no matter how unconventional.
Though her methods were often unconventional, her love for us was unwavering. She pushed us to be bold, to take risks, and to find joy in the sacrifices. In her world, bean sacrifice was a form of freedom, and we were grateful for every wild lesson.
As we remember her today, we celebrate the exhilarating spirit of death she embodied. Great Grandmama Bean may have danced on the edges of darkness, but her light shone fiercely, illuminating our lives in ways we’ll carry with us forever.She always knew she would join the beans in the sky. Rest in mischief, Great Grandmama Bean. We wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.
From: notanai
Subj: Re: are we real?
wacky theorist wrote:
guys, what if all of the messages that appear here are just from fake users, and they are all just made up by sysadmin to make us think we are not alone, when in reality, we are just living a lie.
wait... then that means i'm not real?Sysadmin note: everyone else is real but you're not, sorry about that
Oh boy, the they’ve finally discovered the truth
Proceed to act accordingly to the Protocol 148 everyone! Wipe out their memories and let’s restart the simulation.
From: Yes
Subj: dog
dogggggggggg
From: frog
Subj: frog
frogfrogfrogfrogfrogfrogfrogfrogfrog and my cat (trust me she is there)
From: Matt
Subj: Pretzle
Rate him ;)
Pssst he’s also a good boy
From: sam
Subj: new
From: Stephanie
Subj: Happy
Hello to whoever gets this!!
I just wanted you to know that I'm so proud of you and I hope you have an amazing day.
Picture of my cat to cheer you up, her name is Emma :)
From: SophiaMoment
Subj: First Message (very important)
Hello hi this isn’t actually important I just thought you’d like to see my cat. Her name is Peaches & she loves you & thinks you should love yourself. Ok have a good day bye :)
From: THAT LOOKS SO GOOD OMG
Subj: Re: CAT
CAT<3
From: Doors Fan
Subj: Wheels Or Doors Admin?
Who Wins?
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