01 Apr ā€™23

"a random stick of butter in his birthday card"

Inbox #40: 22 new messages


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From: Sysadmin @VOLEwtf
Subj: Big bin of lies

LOLLOLOLOL

Ah, the side-splitting hilarity of April Foolā€™s/Foolsā€™/Fools Day.

Weā€™re not sure which nonsense was submitted in response to our request for lies, and which nonsense is the usual general nonsense, so weā€™ve just bunged the daftest and most dishonest-sounding stuff in here. Look, itā€™s not an exact science, OK?

The restā€™s been saved for the next inbox and please do send us more pics/stories/replies, Vmail now has over 6,000 subscribers and thatā€™s no lie.

- Vmail Sysadmin

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From: A person
Subj: Re: Lies, all lies

Ohio is real

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From: napalm colonoscopy
Subj: Re: Lies, all lies

when i drink milk, my teeth become soft

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From: poopoo
Subj: Re: Lies, all lies

your very nice :)

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From: Space Person
Subj: MAGGOT WARNING

space maggot

I am on International Space Station and just saw a giant maggot hatch out of Iceland, here is photographic evidence

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From: HAHA LOL
Subj: Why Do HUmans still think that the earth is flat

I have 133 Eyebrows. also, I eat children and I have killed 12544 people secretly. And I have 5 nipples.

Which one is true?

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From: LevonandPhil
Subj: Fire!!!!

FIIIIIIIIIIIIRE!!!! RUNNNNNN!!!!

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From: anonymous
Subj: hello

Daisy's are pretty nd can be yellow.

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From: Da corgi
Subj: All the lies

The lies of mah life

  1. Hokay once apron a time Miranda Wilson looked at the sky and tripped on the sidewalk and fell into the sewer into a flood of poop. Then she fell of a waterfall. Not only did she smell bad, but she died too!
  2. When I was little, I would go on Nickelodeon.com all the time and they had this game similar to Club Penguin, except it was called Nicktropolis. And if you forgot your password, a security question you could choose was ā€œWhat is your eye color?ā€ and if you got it right itā€™d tell you your password. So I would go to popular locations in Nicktropolis and write down random usernames who were also in those areas, and then I would log out and type in the username as if it were my own and see which of these usernames had a security question set to ā€œWhat is your eye color?ā€ (Which was most of them, since it was easy and we were all kids). I would then try either brown, blue, or green, and always get in, then I would go to their house and send all of their furniture and decorations to my own accounts. And if I didnā€™t want it, I could sell it for money.

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From: anonymous
Subj: Re: Lies, all lies

Woke up once in the middle of the night and a strange man was standing next to my bed, he said my talents had been noted and wanted to recruit me for MI5

Turned out in the morning I misheard and it was MFI, I sold furniture for 5 years, funny way to recruit, no wonder they went bust

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From: anonymous
Subj: mouses? meese? moose?

please i need to know...

what is the plural of mouse?
i have been confused about this for so long, and i have been searching and searching for someone to tell me, but with no prevail.
please end my suffering, and tell me the answer.

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From: normal human
Subj: Hello yes i am a normal human being

this is me, a normal man

i do normal human activities like watching the screen, drinking river water, and eating the bread. please let me into your house so i can do normal human activities.

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From: Sasha
Subj: Re: Re: Re: why do candles exist

your mother wrote:

Candles are, not in fact, delicious. They kind of taste like soap or perfume. I don't recommend eating them.

I've eaten 12 of them in a single sitting

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From: Hubert Huzzah
Subj: Re: Lies, all lies

The Football goal net was invented by the City Engineer of Liverpool: John Alexander Brodie. It was first used in an Everton Match. A blue plaque on Ullet Road commemorates his achievement.

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From: A guy
Subj: Re: Lies, all lies

Did you know my dads dogs dads cat died to day

Not really

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From: anonymous
Subj: in love

Carlo

my boyfriend Carlo don't get to see him much he's busy in the tyre factory says he's getting a big promotion

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From: The Stick of Butter
Subj: Crazy

My neigbor once found a random stick of butter in his birthday card, and nobody knows how it got there. The stick of butter took the money inside. The mystery is still unsolved, but I inexplicably got $20...

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From: US Military
Subj: Nuke ownership

you now own all our nukes and you can send them anywhere

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From: Sir Tim the Graceful
Subj: I definitely did not do this

I definitely did not sacrifice a small evil boy who was lost in the dark woods to the pink river dolphins of the city of gold. I did not do this because the economy is not crashing and they do not need the blood of a small evil boy who got lost in the dark woods to fix the S&P 500.
Sincerely,
Sir Tim
Lord of the Dark Forest
Bringer of Mist and Blood.

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From: Mark ā€œthe manā€ Mann
Subj: shopping list 100% true

  • Lots of those delicious vegan meals Linda goes on about
  • Raw fish with the head still on
  • That rough bogroll stuff
  • CAKE
  • Shredded Wheat breakfast brillo pads
  • Fun size chocs
  • Alcohol-free cans

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From: Me
Subj: Alien

I am an martian.

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From: nani
Subj: wowzers

i love my friends

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