25 Dec ’22
"BE LESS RUBBISH and have an eclair"
Inbox #33
Inbox #33: 17 new messages
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From: Sysadmin @VOLEwtf
Subj: arcc the herald angels sing
Yes, today we're announcing a big new project!
In the late ’70s, a shadowy group of British technologists concluded that nuclear war was inevitable and secretly started work on a cutting-edge system designed to help rebuild society.
Decades later, we’re rebooting the Apocalypse Recovery Computing Cluster, including many of its apps, games and videos. From 25th December 2023, you'll be able to log into arcc to explore its dark corners together.
Buy your ticket now (the price goes up every time we sell one)
- Vmail Sysadmin
From: anonymous
Subj: Merry day of gift
I got socks
Yay!!!!!!
From: Jason Cling
Subj: Re: The end is nigh
My main prediciton for 2023 is that sheep will take over the world.
They've been biding their time, you can see them standing there thinking and watching, and all that baaing has to mean something.
I've got rid of all my wool clothes to get ready and we're having the lamb joint from the freezer on Boxing Day in case they get going early
Jason
From: The_anonymous_corgi123
Subj: Re: Re: What do you want from Evil Santa this year?
I want 300000000000000 corgis thanks evil Santa
From: Lazizbek
Subj: What you want from Santa?
I want Santa give me to Christmas iphone 14
From: almighty maxi pad the third
Subj: Re: Re: What do you want from Evil Santa this year?
i want to take over thy world
From: Robert downey jr
Subj: Re: Re: What do you want from Evil Santa this year?
poohead binglecherry wrote:
i have been evil, santa!
I want MOLOTOV COCKTAILS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yes
From: The Doodler
Subj: one of Evil Santa's reindeer (not Rudolph)
From: Captain Crackerjack
Subj: My New Year's Resolutions for 2023
Well, 2022 was an absolute car crash, so I'm going to really try to make 2023 better. To help me in this aim, I'm going to make some resolutions. They are as follows:
- Eschew any butter substitutes. 2023 is the year of proper butter, friends.
- Grow half a bear like Gianmarco Tamberi. Srsly, peep it on The Googs. It's not like a half-grown beard; he literally has a beard on one side of his face, and none on the other, like a low-effort Two-Face cosplay.
- Drink more water, yada yada. Even though this will mean I need to pee more.
- Rationalise the number of mirrors in my new flat. It's got loads, and I don't think I'm handsome or vain enough to require them all. That said, my daughters love posing in front of them and doing 'performances' like pop stars, so I'll have to keep a few.
- Write a novel about this guy who discovers that the man he grew up thinking was his dad was in fact not his dad, but the statue of Lord Nelson at Trafalgar Square. The hapless fool's dad was actually the green man who appears at zebra crossings, hence the fact that he emits a slight greenish glow at all times. Anyway it's a voyage of discovery with some eye-wateringly graphic scenes of an adult nature in it.
- Learn how to cook the perfect biscuit, then set up a business selling the perfect biscuit. People will be all about them and I'll make a fortune. How hard can it be? It's like three ingredients.
- Learn French. I can already say 'I am the biggest grapefruit in the world' so I think I'm halfway there.*
- Watch Peep Show all the way through for the 923rd time.
- Marry a minor royal so that I get the inside goss about what's happening. Anyone know who's available? I'm not a fussy man, so appearance, hygiene and personal politics are less important than what number in line to the throne they are.
*Je suis le plus grande pamplemousse du monde
From: Nonsensewriter1234
Subj: Xmas greting
Umm... i tsink merry chrismas or somesing... i wish you wouldn't be so stupid, lasy ... and not to be an idiot at all, and die
Idk
From: Eddy Cabrera
Subj: Merry Christmas
Yes ik it’s not Christmas yet but I just wanna saw merry Christmas to everyone who is subscribed to the newsletter.
From: Lop
Subj: Christmas
I just want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas.
This year has been a mixture of hundreds of ups and down and talk about weird, murder-related human meat factories, but overall, I think I've had a change of heart, hopefully many of you feel the same way,
Merry Christmas!
-Lop
From: AG
Subj: christmas blessings
may your pillows always be cold
may your orange juice always be in date
may your pencils never break in the middle of an important sentence
may you always have control over your fate
may you learn cel animation effortlessly
may your relatives not bother you about finding a job
may your conversations be neat and tidy
may you not be angered by your cousin bob
may the sun rise up to greet you
may the moon wish you good night
may the stars find you well and merry
may the good times be within sight
happy holidays :)
From: froggo
Subj: Why do we celebrate Christmas?
Why do we celebrate Christmas? (according to me + google)
(me)
i think we celebrate xmas because we can. were greedy people and only want stuff. its a day we can stuff our faces full of candy and crap and most likely not be judged for it. we sit around a flammable tree with glowing hot lights on and trash the house, not giving a crap about any of the stuff we get the very next day after xmas.
(google)
Christians celebrate Christmas Day as the anniversary of the birth of Jesus of Nazareth, a spiritual leader whose teachings form the basis of their religion.
From: anonymous
Subj: Re: The end is nigh
Sysadmin @VOLEwtf wrote:
We’re hoping to send out a Vmail on 25th December, so we want your - Christmas messages for the world - End-of-year ...
My Christmas message for the world:
BE LESS RUBBISH and have an eclair, chill out with a cake
From: anonymous
Subj: Christmas pome
He's a monster, a beast, a sight to behold
His cruel eyes are dark, so icy and cold
His wretched laugh, it gives you chills
And his big black boots, they make you ill
He wears a mask of pure evil and hate
Almost like a demon from Hell's gate
His big red suit is so very bright
Like a warning sign telling you to take flight
He brings fear and dread to all he meets
Nothing can stop him, not even the police
The children all run when they hear him call
For this gibbering demon will take them all
He's the bogeyman of the festive season
His presence is feared, and for good reason
So if you hear the bells of a sleigh
Beware - Evil Santa isn't far away...
From: Bruna
Subj: Re: The end is nigh
I don't know what to write, but just have a good christmas, friendo ^^
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