21 Oct ’22

Emperor Tommy edition

Inbox #29: 10 new messages

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From: Sysadmin @VOLEwtf
Subj: Empires and sandwiches

“QR bombing” outside Parliament

This issue is devoted to the specified interests of Emperor Tommy Mackay, who was appointed to celebrate reaching 5,000 subscribers. However, one hour after this email goes out he will be officially deposed, feel free to raid his palace, eat his sausage rolls and party in his swimming pools.

Crisp Sandwich Day is almost here! On Tuesday, make sure you mark the occasion by making one for yourself and post to Twitter/Instagram with the hashtag #CrispSandwichDay

Earlier this week we took the campaign to Westminster and the UK govt was immediately thrown into chaos. The power of the crisp sandwich is clearly too much for politicians to handle...

- Vmail Sysadmin


From: Jimbo
Subj: Re: All hail the Emperor! / The Fall

Are we talking about;
The tv show
The band ?

I shall offer unsolicited opinions on all three:

  1. colours are pretty, but it rains too much
  2. never watched it, but hear it’s good
  3. never got into their music, it’s all a bit shouty


From: Adam A
Subj: problematic werewolf film

not standard NHS treatment

An American Werewolf In London has burdened the NHS with unrealistic aftercare expectations for DECADES.

However I'm fine with the portrayal of the north, there are some proper weird pubs up there


From: Captain Crackerjack
Subj: Scotland

I've just got back from Scotland. I spent a few days in Leith for work. My observations are:

  1. The pubs in Leith seem to do excellent food, especially sea food
  2. Whisky is better in Scotland than in England, in terms of choice, how it's served, knowledge of different types and flavours, and cost
  3. I was confused by the Lothian buses and that they charged me 10p on my card to travel too and from Leith from Waverley station, but I understand that the real cost will be deducted from my bank within the next 30 days
  4. Only one of the Scottish/Scotland-based people I met there knew that trick-or-treating is sometimes known as 'guising' north of the border
  5. It wasn't that cold, but the wind from the sea definitely had a chill to it
  6. What's with all the cobbles, guys?
  7. Sorry to the bartender in that pub we went into who had to make us three Old Fashioneds (I know my go-to is the Negroni, as discussed before, but we were all hankering for an Old Fashioned) rather than just asking for pints like normal people
  8. Lost In Leith is not only a wonderful pub, they have a brilliant 'Everyone Welcome Initiative' that is super inclusive and brilliant
  9. Domenicos does the most unbelievable sandwiches, wraps and salad boxes
  10. Whilst the 4.5hr train journey was frustrating in points, the view of the sea between Berwick and Dunbar is absolutely awe-inspiring

I can't wait to go back. Glasgow next time to do the so-called 'Sub crawl' with some of the wonderful members of the team.


From: 100% Scotland Person
Subj: why scotland is the best


Scotland is the best, here is why:

  1. Scotland has bagpipes, they sound pretty funky!
  2. Without Scotland, there would be no Tiger Woods, or Bubba Watson
  3. It's flag is very simple to recreate, try it!
  4. "In My Defens God Me Defend"
  5. The capital is Edinburgh, and the biggest city is Glasgow!
  7. sick wikipedia page
  8. They have many animals, hares and deer stag!
  9. challenger 2 main battle tank
  10. Why not?

If you want more fun facts... stay tuned?
(P.S, i am totally scottish)


From: Hooch
Subj: "The Fall meets Hawkwind"

Band logo for Ultimate Thunder. A skull with a lightning bolt for hair.

All hail Emperor Tommy!

May I recommend that any fans of The Fall check out Leeds noisemakers Ultimate Thunder? Favourable comparisons have been made...



From: Matt
Subj: The Prisoner decoded

After many years of analysis I've finally cracked The Prisoner - it's about werewolves.

Rover the white bubble thing represents the moon, always chasing them down if they try to escape their true nature.

The Village is where they're kept safely away from society, everything seems confusing partly because they don't remember time roaming around as wolves and partly to keep them busy.

One day someone does escape onto the moors and attacks American tourists.


From: anonymous
Subj: being in The Fall


I was walking home from the pub one night when I was accosted by a group of burly men. They grabbed me and threw me into the van without a word. I was terrified. I had no idea what was going on.

I was driven to some kind of warehouse where I was thrust onto a stage. A man with a mic walked out and introduced himself as Mark E. Smith. He told me I was now in The Fall and I had to play the drums. I was in shock. I had never even picked up a drumstick in my life. But I was given no choice. I had to play.

And so I did, for hours on end, until my hands were raw and bleeding.

It was the most harrowing experience of my life. But it was also the most exhilarating. I found myself getting lost in the music, in the moment. And I knew, from that moment on, that I would never be the same again.

It was a wild time, to say the least. The shows were always chaotic, and more often than not, someone would end up getting hurt, onstage or off.

More conscripts were needed every month. We took them from prisons, schools and flat-roofed pubs. MES would put on his night vision goggles and bark orders, pointing out who looked like a natural bass guitarist or "a born tambourine genius".

It all ended when I was thrown into a river with the drum kit and only managed to save myself. Looking back, I can see that it was a once in a lifetime experience, and I'm glad I was able to be a part of it.


From: anonymous
Subj: your highness


I designed you a crown inspiref by Scotland and Twin Peaks


From: Mark "the man" Mann
Subj: Everything Anywhere At Once

Got to be honest I didn't like it much the hotdog fingers made me gag whyy would you do that i feel ill again now



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