21 Jun ’22

"My mum has a crush on Joe Wicks"

Inbox #19: 22 new messages


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From: Sysadmin @VOLEwtf
Subj: The physics of penguin-stacking

Penga screenshot

We recently launched Penga, give it a go and see how many penguins you can rescue. Once you’ve got all 20, try doing it without dislodging the crown (it’s just about possible).

And for the nerdy details about how it was made, see this Twitter thread.

- Vmail Sysadmin

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From: BlueberryLover02
Subj: BLUEBERRIES?!?!

LOVE BLUEBERRIES, NOWWW.

OMG! OMG! OMG! IT’S BLUEBERRIES! IT’S BLUEBERRIES, BLUEBERRIES!! HE’S COMING TO VMAIL! :O

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From: Hubert Huzzah
Subj: A Survey On The Handedness Of Imaginary Friends

Dear Voleans,

I sometimes do Science. Not useful Science such as putting extra air into ice cream, like a former Prime Minister, but inutilious Science. Science involves asking some bloody obvious questions and still expecting people to give answers.

My latest piece of Science is about Imaginary Friends. Which hand do they us for certain tasks. So, I have a very short survey. Four questions. It takes less than a minute to complete.

In order for it to be actual Science and not just a delusion, I need about 2,000 responses before 29th June 2022. So I was hoping that You might be able to help. It may still be a delusion but it will be a Scientifically well founded delusion.

The survey collects the answers to the four questions and nothing else. Not your email, not your name, not your Imaginary Friends' name, not your IP address, nothing but the time you submit the answers and the four answers. So it is all confidential.

Vole.wtf has pioneered the area with Imaginary Friends Reunited. Creating a social network for your Imaginary Friends. So this research is close to the Volean heart. Imaginary Friends Reunited already asked 1,020 UK adults on Google Surveys and found that 9.8% had just one imaginary friend, 5.6% more than one, totalling 15.4% of the sample with an imaginary friend.

Please take some time to fill in the survey here

Your help would be very much appreciated.

Yrs & c.

sur Hubert Huzzah

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From: Zuexippe
Subj: Re: Going anywhere nice on your summer holibobs?

Alan wrote:

We are going to houseswap with our neighbours for a week so we get a change of scene without expense or travel rigmarole (they have a nice patio and barbecue so we get the better deal)

What are your holiday/vacation plans ?

Hello! That sounds amazing! I am not doing a lot this summer, I am going to a few summer camps, most of which involve art. I hope you have lots of fun!

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From: anonymous
Subj: Re: Going anywhere nice on your summer holibobs?

Ayo ! Sound like cool vacations!
Personaly I am going to the Alps ( mountains between France and Italy ).
Havre fun!
<3

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From: anonymous
Subj: Re: Going anywhere nice on your summer holibobs?

We celebrated my wife's 50th birthday on the other side of the village. All the advantages of a holiday away (swanky place, in a wildlife park), but none of the tedious worrying about what you might have forgotten or the demoralising day long travel home at the end of it.

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From: your mum
Subj: Re: Going anywhere nice on your summer holibobs?

Yeah it's actually winter where i am and i am going to the snow and it is going to be 24 degrees farenheit which is very cold considering im from Australia

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From: Different Alan
Subj: Re: Going anywhere nice on your summer holibobs?

Alan wrote:

What are your holiday/vacation plans ?

Going to tey to live in M&Ms World for 2 weeks by staying after it shuts at night and discover what really goes on in there

IT MUST BE SOMETHING REALLY BAD OR GOOD

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From: anonymous
Subj: In The Balance

The burning city

The woman and the man sat on the steps looking at the blood-red sky with black tendrils, the burning city and the fiery chasms opening up after every cluster of tremors. Tortured screams echoed all around.

“This is my fault.” He put his head in his hands.

“Right now I’ll believe anything,” said the woman. “Go on then.”

“I was in a pub on my own late one night, this bloke sits next to me, doesn’t say a word for an hour. Drinks his pint, munches his peanuts. Then quietly announces he’s a demon.”

She raised an eyebrow but let him continue.

“He’s a bloody demon. Says hell has decided the world will end when the waitress at the café by the pier drops a whole tray of drinks. Repeated it, nodded at me then laughed.”

The woman leaned back. “A whole tray to signal the apocalypse, not just a glass or two? How fair and reasonable.”

“I… I didn’t take him seriously, but the next day I went down to the pier, sat outside and ordered a beer. She came whirling out with two massive metal trays crammed with glasses, bottles and snacks then swept around the patio gently setting them down. It was bloody ballet I tell you, unnaturally hypnotic, even though I was starting to believe the story was true, wincing at uneven paving and customers jostling past. I just had to watch.

“So I started going there every morning and followed her movement with terror and delight, every fresh emerging tray a performance with everything at stake. And when she brought my drink, well, I’d bow my head in awe. Within a few weeks I’d quit my job and spent all day drinking there, she even started looking at me from across the patio.”

The woman said nothing, closed her eyes and let her feet slide forward until she was lying back on the steps. A child drenched in blood ran past.

“Her shoes were getting worn and one of the heels looked iffy, so I measured a tile to guess the size and bought a new pair. I’d already secretly followed her home so I left them on her doorstep. A week later she still hadn’t worn them so I talked to the owner about health and safety concerns.

“Another week after that she caught her toe on a chair leg and stumbled for the first time, I freaked out, jumped up shouting, grabbed the tray off her. There was an almighty fuss, I tried to explain about the demons and the end of the world but…”

“Let me guess - it did not go well.”

“…the owner pushed me away and told me to never return. I had to start watching from a distance, then one Monday something wasn’t right, the trays looked over-filled, her rotations were off-centre, I knew I had to do something to save us all. I ran over, gently put my hand on her shoulder, then as she turned I realised it was a different person, a new waitress. She yelled and threw the trays at me. The broken glass had barely settled when the rumbling started.”

The woman sat up. “So really the demon chose you as the trigger.”

“I suppose so,” he sighed. “How long do you think we have?”

“Not long.”

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From: afor
Subj: Raw cheese sandwich

this is a small czechia flag

I tasted a raw cheese sandwich by toasting white bread and throwing cheese in the middle. It wasn't great but wasn't bad. No pic of it because I am a normal person.

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From: anonymous
Subj: Re: Tacos?

Elliot wrote:

Hey what is a taco?

I think it’s the thing lorry drivers are not allowed to fiddle withz

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From: Mark Norman Francis
Subj: GIFs by @cackhanded 5/11

Benny and the jet

Make your own analogue GIF by printing each frame out, stapling them together, and flipping the pages! Part five of eleven.

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From: your mum
Subj: Re: horoscopes

anonymous wrote:

  • Pisces: You are overly sensitive and often seem lost in your own world. Your favourite author: Joe Wicks. - *Taurus...

My mum has a crush on Joe Wicks and she forces me to do his workouts 24/7

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From: The_cold_stare
Subj: Are they still in the Biz?

Holly Marie Combs

Lots of people have asked me (or they are voices in my head possibly) why not do another star from the 90s? It saves you from having to do that Neighbours special you stupidly mentioned once. And I say, okay then. Let’s do that very thing. I remember the nineties as all style, no substance, perfect hair and plots which tricked you into believing that they mattered and now you can’t remember more than a handful. In other words, shows like Charmed.

Number 6: Holly Marie Combs

Who is Holly Marie Combs?

Holly Marie Combs is best know for playing Piper Halliwell in Charmed where, along with Shannen Doherty (not high on people’s list of hiring options) and Alyssa Milano, she makes up a trio of young, cute, street-wise witches. Holly Marie started her career by grabbing any bit part she could and after Charmed finished she went straight back to it. The curse of typecasting? Maybe. Not being particularly good at acting? I couldn’t say.

Is she still in the biz?

After Charmed limped off our screens in 2006, Holly mainly did TV movies and guest star spots but in 2010 she landed a part in Pretty Little Liars. Now I don’t know much about this show, in fact I have now had to check the name by switching windows on my iPad three times because I keep forgetting it, but apparently this is a big show and Holly played Ella Montgomery in 86 episodes until 2017. And then, as usual, it goes a bit blurry. Her last acting credit on iMBD is 2020 which coincides with the Corona thingy and she was a mum with a family. Quite frankly I have got in a pickle with this one. I am going to say she is not in the biz and let’s hope Piper doesn’t throw a bookcase at me

Next time: Ha, surely by now you have realised I have no planning skills

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From: Todd
Subj: Re: Dom

Dom wrote:

Hello it's your neighbor Dom all you gotta know about me is I'm Dom I live across the street.
There is nothing else you need to know about me don't dig into my history all you need to know is I'm a man from across the street

Hi Dom!
I’m not sure if this is true but Janine (you know Janine, right?) but she said that you don’t like garlic, is this true? if so, I’m sorry to hear that since I was hoping to invite you over for my famous spaghetti meatballs with garlic bread someday!

I’ve also noticed you never come out at day, its almost like you’re a vampire haha!

Anyway best of wishes Dom, talk to you soon!
Todd

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From: anonymous
Subj: Re: a picture of the best thing you can think of

BRRM

TOO FAST AND POWERFUL FOR F1 AND TOPGUN

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From: Jamie
Subj: Re: Attention: spiders

Hello Paula,
As one of these so-called "super-intelligent" spiders, I am personally offended. We are not a threat instead we just wish to experience the wonderful World Wide Web. Please choose your words more carefully.

-Jamie
P.S. watch your back

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From: Andrew
Subj: Re: Re: Re: Re: Floof Thread

Mostly black tuxedo cat with a vaguely surprised expression in repose

Hooch wrote:

Time for more floof?

Always time for more floof

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From: Claude
Subj: I'm Claude

I like to photoshop cats

Hi I'm Claude

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From: Kellys
Subj: Re: Re: Re: Re: Floof Thread

Twofloofs

Hooch wrote:

Time for more floof?

Two floofs

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From: The Doggo's sister
Subj: i am doggo 2

doggo2

i am doggo 2 and i like eating meat and bread

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From: BorderCollieLvr
Subj: Godzilla

Godzilla VS Kong

So, please can I have everyone's opinions on Godzilla?
And also can the Godzilla fans make themselves known? I look forward to chatting with other Godzilla fans and reading fan theories and debating over who is better, Godzilla or Kong. Thank you!
BCl

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