06 Mar ’24
"a boring cycle of sitting around and following orders"
Inbox #53
Inbox #53: 27 new messages
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From: Sysadmin
Subj: Lifestyles of the rich and famous
We kept seeing articles/interviews where famous people reveal their daily routines to us plebs, and brought a load of those together so you can keep track and compare with whatever mundane nonsense you’re doing.
Celeb Clock has ended up seeming like some weird social network where Oprah Winfrey, Mark Wahlberg, Christopher Biggins and Pope Francis are all posting updates.
- Vmail Sysadmin
From: mark kader
Subj: pringles
why do pringles have that shape are they stupid
From: Anonymous
Subj: Re: 50% off ALL lard!
Larry's Lard Emporium wrote:
Hi folks, Larry here. I've recently been investing into the lard business, and my vats are overflowing with fatty ...
..., we'll be offering free lard buckets to anyone who texts BROKE to 203-249-4311. -Only the finest, Larry's Lard Emporium
Why. WHY. WHYYYYYYY
From: Captain Crackerjack
Subj: Re: 50% off ALL lard!
That’s tempting an all but I’m really a tallow man. Can you hit me up?
From: majonsasseee lover
Subj: canva lady
i recently made a very pretty lady on canva, what do you thik of her?
;P
From: Random Stranger on the streek #1
Subj: Re: social experimnt
anonymous wrote:
thjois is a social experiment
uuhm..., wghat is ur favotrite veggitable?
veggytable? veg-e-table... eh, nvm
My favorite vegitatble. Vegittable? Vegatible? Idk is probly bread beacuse i like that bread
From: anonymous
Subj: Re: social experimnt
pineabble
From: Cedar
Subj: Re: social experimnt
My faverout Veeeegggtable is the leek
From: aaDSSDFGFFGFGFGFGFGFGFGFD
Subj: Re: social experimnt
carrot
From: OtterWithaRock
Subj: Re: social experimnt
my favvortit is masgedd potatoes.
From: Matt Round
Subj: The Best Film You’ve Never Seen
No. 13: May (2002/2003)
If you’ve watched a lot of horror films, you might sigh and roll your eyes at the start... but luckily it doesn’t go with the most obvious plot options and tone, making the end result one of the sweetest and nastiest indie films around.
Vet assistant May seems like a nice young woman who’s just a bit troubled and needs a friend. A friend other than her creepy doll, that is. Oh, and she gets a bit weird about death/gore. And doesn‘t take rejection especially well.
On some level you keep rooting for this mixed-up protagonist while wincing at her “mishaps”, and the film mostly feels more like a quirky romcom than a frenetic slasher. Angela Bettis and Jeremy Sisto are perfect as the two leads.
After all the blood is spilt, May gets her happy ending of sorts and it’s delightfully creepy. If you’re not particularly squeamish and enjoy quirky horror films then do make sure it’s on your watchlist.
May is available to rent/buy via Amazon or Apple, and is also on Blu-ray
Next time: it’s not really a film but I’m sneaking it in and you can’t stop me
From: Captain Crackerjack
Subj: Re: minidisc
tal wrote:
hi guys, do you like my minidisc players? i heard it's the most high tech way to listen to music and invested a lot of money in it :)
- tal
Minidisc HIGH FIVE! I think I’m the only person who ever actually bought a pre-recorded album on minidisc. It was Bridge Over Troubled Water by Simon and Garfunkel. I still have it along with all my other minidiscs.
From: fluffymitten
Subj: Re: minidisc
I've got an Akai stereo with minidisc player if you want it? Also has cassette and CD too.
From: Joey
Subj: frickin frick
I wanna quit school and stay home all day carving. It teaches me patience and I love giving people fairy doors and necklaces and random shitty things I’ve made. I’ve broken so many pieces trying to rush through them. Maybe it’s some kind of analogy for life, rushing around instead of savoring the moment, blah blah blah. I tend to learn all life lessons the hard way. How long can I procrastinate on school before sh_t hits the fan?
From: anonymous
Subj: School is hard...
Classes recently started where I am and I am now in high school. As if that wasn't scary enough, school is full-time, which means I'll have little free time. I don't know if I'm not used to it or something, but I really don't like having to deal with more than 7 subjects and being reminded of what comes next, but also sitting almost all day writing and listening (and I didn't mention the activities I'll have to do). I'm really annoyed and hope life isn't made up of a boring cycle of sitting around and following orders (this view I get with this outdated system). I hope I can socialize with others (and not have to use Whatsapp). One cool thing from my school is that the music that plays between times this semester is from Super Mario World. The food is also good, and my father is the director. Come to think of it, there are also cool things outside the classroom. Anyway, I apologize to Sysadmin if this text is too pessimistic. It's just that I just wanted to let it out somehow. And I don't like Whatsapp.
From: Amelia H.
Subj: Be Cool
I love school but I also hate it keep up the good work
From: DOKTOR ARNOLD OLLIVANDER BALLS
Subj: Evil University reunion
Hello ALL GRADUATES of The EVIL SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY UNIVERSITY of NORTH ENGLAND!!!
1999 Graduates reunion is on A THURSDAY sometime! Just show up you'll know.
We will have:
LIQUIDS
SOLIDS
GASES
PLASMA
CUSTARD (WE DIDN'T KNOW WHERE TO PUT IT)
Bring a tenner to get in, experiments come free!!!
(YOURSELF DOESN'T COUNT SO DON'T EVEN TRY IT DR ODDLY)
Cheers!!
Dr. Arnold O Balls, Evil MD.
From: Scribboey
Subj: Vmail government
So uh we got 12 responses and everyone said yes to being a citizen so we have a population of 12 58% of us are girls 42% is boys 75% is below 25 and 25% is above 25 and also here are the recommended laws I will implement
- No mentioning the country's Estonia, Tuvalu, or Kazakhstan!!
- Don’t have an orange alien as presedint lol
- Cat worshipping day or whatevuh.
Mewing streak of 2 months to enter
Special greetings so you recognize your fellow VRG (Vmail Republic Government) citizens - NO DRINKING AND DRIVING
- Any good jokes should be banned. Overused puns and crummy dad jokes only.
So uh with all of these what will you be doing?
Sysadmin note: we refuse to accept the legitimacy of this new government and our imperial palace is heavily guarded
From: anonymous
Subj: Re: Bearer of Destiny's Mantle: The Chosen One
Death wrote:
Greetings, mortal. I am the harbinger of fate, the eternal shadow that doth traverse the realms of existence. Behold, I ...
... slumber. With eternal vigilance, Death ((Please forward me your address and bank details and I shall get back to you.))
Your Mortuarian Grace,
I lack an address and bank details for I am homeless. You may rifle my pockets at your earliest convenience at my cardboard box beneath the flyover at the end of the M62. You, being Death, should be able to see it. Just be careful: that's a complex junction and some busy roads there.
Yrs & c.
From: anonymous
Subj: Dog
From: Jazzlynn
Subj: MOVIES AND SHOWS YOU SHOULD WATCH NOW!!!
these are some shows and movies that you should watch
Derry Girls (Netflix)
Young offenders (RTE player its free)
while you were sleeping (Disney)
27 dresses (Disney)
shadow and bone (Netflix)
queen's gambit (Netflix)
ten things I have about you (Disney)
love at first sight (Netflix)
The Fault in Our Stars (Disney and it's also a book)
*Hunger games
*Catching fire
*Mocking Jay Part One
*Mockingjay Part Two
all the movies that have a little star beside them are The Hunger Games movie there is another one but you have to pay
From: Matt Round
Subj: Flash, AH-AAAHHHHHHH...
Back in prehistory I made dozens of games in Flash, and now thanks to Ruffle I’ve been able to put five of them back online:
From: your average art enjoyer
Subj: Re: ||}{:":><>?&^%$#@)%$_+_
#$&&^^#)(*}|"';.';,":>] wrote:
($(*@$&$@*()&$$$||{?>??/[;
'.';.($*U*@&)%_@(&(%@$][]['''[]'['..';..'...,,'/'/'][]_)@#_+$+=+_)$_@)($
This spoke to my heart on so many levels and deepened the way I think about simple everyday life. I doubt anything I will ever see again will improve my mental state in astounding ways and cause my life to have such a turn around.Thank you so much for allowing this to grace my presence. This has changed my life forever.
Sincerely,
your average art enjoyer
From: Your average human
Subj: What are some jokes that you guys know?
What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus? ... A porkupine
From: Ezekiel
Subj: JOKE HAHAHAHAHA
So a bear walked into a bar and said to the bartender
"ill have a whiskey.....and a coke"
the bartender looked at the bear and asked
"why the big paws"
IM SO FUNNY NOW LAUGH! >:D
From: anonymous
Subj: Joke
What's the difference between a cat and a toad? ...................... A cat has 9 lives and a toad croaks every night..
From: anonymous
Subj: codfish
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