20 Jul ’23
"Start plotting your revenge"
Inbox #45
Inbox #45: 19 new messages
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From: Sysadmin @VOLEwtf
Subj: BONNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGgggggg
Bored with Wordle?
BIG BEN has a unique word puzzle for every second of the day, with a satisfying BONNGGGG sound that shakes the game when you find a long word. There’s a generous dictionary of 381,928 words, and you’ll never be given a Q without a U next to it.
Can you get a five-star score? Play it now!
- Vmail Sysadmin
From: Biggest Ewa Ever
Subj: Re: my life is a joke
Anonymous wrote:
can anyone gimme a joke . i lost my job . or maybe gimme a meme . or I will rickroll .
good luck friend
did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
he won the “no-bell” prize.
From: anonymous
Subj: Re: my life is a joke
there was a cat swimming race. there was a german, a french, and an english cat. the german one was named eins zwei drei, the french one was named un deux trois and the english one was named one two three. To begin with, un deux trois was in the lead, followed closely by one two three. after a thrilling race, one two three won, eins zwei drei came second, but un deux trois was nowhere to be seen!
why? well the un deux trois quatre cinq
From: the joker
Subj: Re: my life is a joke
A patient got his test results, and the doctor said "great news, you won't have to pay taxes anymore"
the patient died 5 seconds later after realizing that it costs like $10k just to die in the US
From: anonymous
Subj: Re: my life is a joke
someone committed a crime in a multi-storey car park. it's wrong on so many levels
From: Matt Round
Subj: The Best Film You’ve Never Seen
No. 5: Seconds (1966)
This really shouldn’t be an obscure cult film. John Frankenheimer is a famous director who’d already had success with Birdman of Alcatraz, The Manchurian Candidate and Seven Days in May, none of which were jolly, cheerful romps. But Seconds was too dark, too weird and too disturbing for most people, resulting in boos at Cannes and a belly flop at the box office. I don’t think it’s even been shown on TV much over the years.
Obviously, I’m here to tell you it’s a masterpiece.
An ageing banker accepts a mysterious offer that leads, via surgery, exercise and a new identity, to rebirth in the form of Rock Hudson’s Tony Wilson. From there he struggles to accept his new life and let go of his old one, ultimately leading to... well, I’ll just say that it’s an ending you’ll never forget.
Hudson is great as the lead, contrasting with his romantic comedy roles and looking genuinely awkward or unsettled at times, which ends up working perfectly in the context of an awkward, unsettled character. The supporting cast features Murray Hamilton (the mayor from Jaws), Will Geer (Grandpa Walton) and Richard Anderson (Oscar in The Six Million Dollar Man). Saul Bass provides a disturbing title sequence.
In some ways it’s like an extended episode of The Twilight Zone or Black Mirror, with horror, paranoia, a whiff of sci-fi and enough time to explore whether you can ever truly have a fresh start.
Don’t be that miserable Cannes audience, watch it and revel in the disturbing, weird darkness.
Seconds is available as a very sharp and very grainy Blu-ray, but seemingly difficult to find streaming in HD.
Next time: growing up in a seaside town.
From: JcatTV
Subj: Re: class president
Max wrote:
Is it a good idea for me to run for class president?
Probably not, tbh
From: Hooch
Subj: Re: class president
In general yes, we need people who are willing to promote democracy and representatives are very important. However, we will need to see your manifesto before deciding if you are a suitable candidate.
From: anonymous
Subj: Re: class president
Nope. Start plotting your revenge on the eventual winner now.
From: Hubert Huzzah
Subj: Re: class president
Max,
Working Class or Ruling Class President?
Yrs & c.
sur Hubert Huzzah (postmort.)
From: anonymous
Subj: Re: class president
na
From: anonymous
Subj: Re: class president
YESS. No not rly it’s quite tiring to b class president tbh, or mayb js follow ur heart ig
From: Purple guy
Subj: Re: class president
NO. POLITICS IS BAD
From: ROKET_BP
Subj: Ive got your nose!!!
lol
From: BING BONG
Subj: Re: Re: Barry
A fine human being wrote:
Jeez, I think I saw him in my basement.
Wow. I think I ate his family. Maybe that's why he committed these crimes.
From: Eeeee
Subj: Re: Re: Barry
I have 5 pet ducks. I fear them
From: Me
Subj: Re: The Best Film You’ve Never Seen
Matt Round wrote:
No. 4: How I Ended This Summer (2010) A couple of blokes are stationed at an isolated Soviet weather station in the ...
Haha, I is in the down under and it's available on Stan!
I will watch as long as Barry stops hunting me, that duck seemed so cute when the doorbell rang.
From: StrangeRTY7
Subj: it's been almost a month since the last vmail
I don't know what I was thinking
Leaving my vmail behind
Now I suffer the curse and now I am blind
With all this anger, guilt and spam
Coming to haunt me forever
I can't wait for the vmail at the end of my email
Is this vmail I am seeking?
Or seeking vmail to avenge me?
Stuck in my own email, I wanna see a vmail
Maybe I should chase and find
Before they'll try to stop it
It won't be long before I'll become a newspaper hat
It's been so long
Since I last have seen a vmail lost in my email
To the man behind the vmail
Since you've been gone
I've been singing this stupid song so I could ponder
The sanity of your boss
I wish I lived in the past
With the gift of a vmail in my email
But the future keeps luring in no vmails
Your sweet little names, your little stories are all I remember
Those fuzzy memories mess with my email
Justification is killing me
But killing isn't justified
What happened to vmails lost in my email? I'm terrified
It lingers in my email
And the spam keeps on getting bigger
I'm sorry my sweet vmail, I wish I've been there
It's been so long
Since I last have seen a vmail lost in my email
To the man behind the vmail
Since you've been gone
I've been singing this stupid song so I could ponder
The sanity of your boss
From: pob
Subj: we have such spines to show you
every time i pass this cactus i wonder if i stuck my face in i'd come out looking like pinhead
Disconnecting...
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