13 Feb ’23
"lightly wind-battered trailer park window pane tan"
Inbox #37
Inbox #37: 26 new messages
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From: Sysadmin @VOLEwtf
Subj: Movies for misers
It feels like every month there’s a new streaming service trying to squeeze yet another monthly subscription out of us, so we’ve updated Voleflix with dozens more films.
Yes, most of it is old, weird or just downright bad... but it’s free!
- Vmail Sysadmin
From: Your local Moth
Subj: Greetings from Moth
Hello... I am the moth that will soon colonize your homes. If you dare oppose me, my wrath will fall upon ye.
-love, Moth
From: anonymous
Subj: Re: My Wife
PearLover888 wrote:
My wife is a pear... and I've taken a bite out of an apple recently without thought, so I don't know what I should say ...
As I read your message, I happened to glance across at my fruit bowl. I'm so sorry to break it to you this way. He is quite a big chap. Again, I really am sorry.
From: Levon and Phil
Subj: Re: Very Specific Favorite Color
Sir Tim the Graceful wrote:
Hullo! I quite like it when peoples' favorite colours are very specific. mine is Moss on a Stone Rooftop in the Rain. What's yours?
-Tim
I like a deep red with strong blue undertones. The exact hex code would be 3e1a25
From: “Lightly Wind-Battered Trailer Park Window Pane Tan” Fan
Subj: Re: Very Specific Favorite Color
Personally, I prefer, “lightly wind-battered trailer park window pane tan”, but to each their own.
From: mediocre
Subj: Re: Very Specific Favorite Color
Mine's sunflower petal yellow but in a setting sun.
From: Feathers
Subj: Re: Very Specific Favorite Color
My favourite colour Sir Tim, is wet Plane Tree leaves in pale Autumn Sun.
From: HI IT IS MEEEEEEEE
Subj: Re: Very Specific Favorite Color
I like the color "very dead and well dried lavender under the couch of my grandpa" and also "dark green like the favourite shirt of my bestie that looks very beautiful with gold"
From: avrox the magnificent
Subj: Re: Very Specific Favorite Color
my favorite color can only be seen by staring at the above image for 3 hours in a dark room then immediately looking at the wing of a dove in flight
From: Newspaper Hat #4931056
Subj: Vmail Headquarters - Part 3
I have no idea where I am, I think they threw me down a trash chute while I was asleep. For some reason I still have this computer. Maybe this is some sort of solitary, forever doomed to write paragraphs among many other real people, not being kept in a dank, dark basement. Maybe this is some form of vengeance because I kind of insulted Steve. You know, the intern guy I mentioned before.
If I never manage to send out another, letter, assume I've been either let go of sorts, or I am dead. I honestly don't really know what to think. Might die down here, I'll save this and update it later.
Okay, so I've made a deal and signed an NDA, I guess this is the end of my Vmail days. I'm sure if I go back to this site it'll just blacklist my name. I'm sorry if this was anti-climatic, I don't know what else to say.
There you go, sysadmin! This was quite the filler, and I'm assuming the paycheck will come in sometime late February? Well, plot-twist, I'm Steve, and I'm going to be an employee! Finally, after so long!
Hope you liked it! (P.S. making filler content is harder than you think)
Sysadmin note: we tolerated it
From: A fine human being
Subj: Re: grandad
Bethany wrote:
grandad set fire to a bin lol
I am very interested to know how that happened. WHat is he holding, I cannot tell.
From: Alan Desmond
Subj: Re: buye irt
Pls consider buying this ligitiment block of cheeze
Will swap for this pork pie I inherited
Meet me behind The Limping Goat after Sunday lunch if interested
From: baleen
Subj: Re: Londons wird side
HI IT IS MEEEEEEEE wrote:
Hi, my friend is going to London for a trip soon. She wants to visit basic things like musees and aesthetic old libraries, so what weird and cool things could you suggest for her?
Eel Pie Island Museum in Twickenham. More information than you will ever need about an old skiffle club that turned into an r'n'b club that turned into an anarchist commune that turned into a derelict wreck when someone set it on fire. Cheaper than most things in London. You can buy an eel pie nearby if you're brave...
From: Hooch
Subj: Re: Londons wird side
The Grant Museum of Zoology is full of weird and wonderful skeletons, taxidermy and jars of pickled creatures. Creepy but fun :)
From: Matt
Subj: Re: Londons wird side
My immediate suggestion for "weird London" is always Dennis Severs' House, highly recommended if wandering silently through a strange, intricate, decaying house sounds like your idea of fun.
From: Somebody i guess
Subj: My Dog
Here is my dog
From: anonymous
Subj: Re: Londons wird side
HI IT IS MEEEEEEEE wrote:
Hi, my friend is going to London for a trip soon. She wants to visit basic things like musees and aesthetic old ...
... Germany actually. If you thought "oh Germany? I didn't think that" thanks that's kind of a compliment. Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Helllooooo im from Germany too!!
From: Emil
Subj: my school is dumb
Okay I just want to say here my school is Dump not the teachers but the students i'm from Germany
From: stummy
Subj: why do candles exist
why do candles exist I mean they provide light but we don't live in a castle anymore so like...why ya know? if somebody has an answer pls reply...I must know why candles exist.
From: stummy
Subj: Re: Birthday help
Child wrote:
How many people do I invite to a birthday? 5 or 20 people?
invite -17.86 its your best option
From: rockbison
Subj: Re: Birthday help
invite 5, less is more
From: Sir mark destroyer of birthday rooms
Subj: Re: Birthday help
Invite every single living child in existence
From: anonymous
Subj: Re: Birthday help
invite precisely 15, it'll make doing the plastic-fork-combat deathmatch tournament much easier
From: trivia
Subj: joshua the apple
From: Vix
Subj: ummmmmm
Hello, I want to do a backflip but the last time I did I kicked a kid in the teeth. I'm dating a person that looks like Newt Scamander. Goodbye
From: The Science Dude
Subj: Test #1
Test #1:
Subject: Sysadmin
Hypothesis: If I compliment Sysadmin, then they will put a sysadmin note.
~COMMENCE EXPERIMENT~
Sysadmin is very amazing and cool and attractive.
~WAIT FOR RESULTS~
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